I'm saying good-bye

This has been a hard post for me to write.

I haven't blogged in a while and really I'm not sorry about it.

It seems like everyone is quitting. That the blogs I loved and the people I have come to care about and inspire me are no longer here. We are texting each other and staying caught up on FB.

And...

Lets be honest, because I have always been on this blog.

It seems like the NSV's are all Old News. That My weight is up 3 pounds then down 2.

I'll also admit that I like being married, that the time I used to burn up blogging and thinking about blog posts are spent doing other things.

Living life.

Now wasn't that the purpose of this journey? To finally live my life to the fullest. To finally not let my weight hold me back anymore?

I still want to lose 30 pounds, but I guess I will either do it, or I won't. I refuse to write another blog post, make another goal.... I guess I am fine with where I am at.

Comfortable.

This blog and this lap band SAVED MY LIFE. It gave me my life back.

My only word of advice is the same as The Warriors and Cat's. Get to goal before testing your band. Keep at it while you are on a roll. Don't listen to anyone that says "take a break" you are "loosing too fast." Push to goal and then mess around with all of it when you are at "your number."

Hugs all around ladies! I will leave you with a picture of my beautiful new family. I am silly over our babies!
And one or two of "the dress."

Weekend recap

My favorite horse Nitro. He has been with me through "Thick and Thin" 

My sister-in-law Amanda (4 months preggo) and Sister Makayla working cows together. Kayla is due in just a few days! 

The view from my families cabin! We have had a very wet fall and everything looks beautiful. 

This is what we waded around in all day on Saturday. 

Chill fall day! The weather was almost perfect and the company was. 

I only put one wool sock on... oops.

The weekend was spent with faimly and friends just enjoying time together. 

WIW

I need to blog more frequently and with more pictures.... I'll do it.

Last week: 178.2
This week: 178.8

My goal is to aim for one pound a week.

Next weeks target weight: 177.8

This seems doable and reasonable in my mind.

I signed up for a 1/2

I have a weekend full of cows and such coming up.

I'll blog more.

I'll post more pictures.

/done

WIW

This week: 178.2
Last week: 177.6

The week before 179.4

Up a pound, down a pound. It is a cycle I have been in for over a year now. You know, except the one time I jumped 10 pounds .. yeah I kept those.

Anyway, I'm just pushing through. We will see where the week takes us.

I'm taking my students on a field trip today. We always have such a good time, I hope today is the same.

Again... again... again...

This girl

decided to party like a RockStar Skinny Girl this weekend.

Eating and drinking whatever she wanted.

Including Sunkist and snickers for breakfast.

What the hell?

Then Monday morning I step on the scale and see 182... anything in the 180's is an "oh heck" number for me. It sets me into panic. The panic was slow coming this moring and so I binged on chocolate and chips while I worked on paper work and beat myself up about the weekend, because that makes sense.

So as my friend Cat wrote Another "back on the wagon" post.

So I'm back on the wagon. I know, I know, you are probably sick of reading them. Well I'm sick and tired of writing them, but I guess as long as I struggle I will write them. I just can't give up. My health is too important. My new found freedom from obesity too sweet.

Onwards. I want the 160's so bad. Come on Lorie, pull it together.

WIW

Last week: 179.6
This week: 177.6

2 pound loss.. I did absolutely nothing to earn the loss. In fact after last weeks weight and having worked pretty hard that week and still gone up, I kinda tossed my "I give a shit" out the window. Look where that got me- 2 pound loss... at least this week. I know from the past that it won't continue to be a loss if I continue to eat crap food.

I know, I know, stop shoveling.

I'm trying.

I'm always talking about getting back to the 160's. I guess I'm just not doing my part.

We will see where the next week takes me.

The start of the naked diet

So, I got engaged. I know, I know, old news... the thing is, I haven't got around to sharing the story.

Or the ring picture.

Or an engagment picture.

You know, the important stuff.

We got officially engaged on September 7th, 2013.

But I get ahead of myself.

I'm pretty particular about stuff. I like to be organized and make plans. If there is going to be a "do nothing day" or "free time" that is fine. As long as it is on the schedule.

I don't think I am "that bad." hehehe I just like to have an idea of the general outline.

So when it came to The Ring, I had already made it in my mind. Had already fell in love with it.

The problem was, I'm not a jewlery wearer. I don't own any other rings and don't have my eye on an upgrade anywhere in the future. So this is The Ring and it'll stay forever.

So setting Texas out on his own was setting him up for failure.

So see, I was just being fair.

The second problem was, I have a different idea of what I consider "reasonably priced" or "a good deal." Remember, school teacher here, than Texas does.

So I got a few estimates to have The Ring made. They weren't anything I was EVER GOING TO SPEND. So high that I was falling out of love with The Ring and had almost decided that I could love something else more (I know, I was in denial.) I just had to wear something more reasonably priced so that I wouldn't feel like throwing up everytime I looked at it and rememebered what it cost. (Please remember, this was my budget. I don't want you all sending Texas hate mail. In his mind there wasn't much of a budget.... just pretty and perfect.)

Then I remembered my good friend from schools Dad builds jewlery on the side. So I tracked down his number and scheduled a get together. Without Texas. I just needed to get my head around the details, around the price with out him pressuring me. :)

Well this guy totally hooked me up. I'm pretty sure he couldn't have made a dime and when I got the qoute, I about fell of my chair. The Ring was within my grasp again. Minus the upset stomach.

Are you ready to see it. ***As a side note my ring was a size 9-9.5 when I started this journey. Now it is a 6.***

The Ring.

Perfect.

So how did he ask?

Well it took FOREVER to get the ring done. Or what seemed like forever :) ha ha

Before the ring was done, I already had my pretty white dress... bought and home.

Before the ring we had already had engagement pictures. Wanna see one?

I.
Knew.
It.

This one is going on the announcement. I just couldn't pass it up.

So now we are to September 7th. We are leaving to go to a football game 2.5 hours away.

And The Ring Maker calls.

The ring is done.

Balls.

No prior warning. :)

So I basically tell Texas he has to go pick it up.

As we are driving I keep telling Texas random things like...

"I always wanted to get engaged under this bridge."

and

"county road 342, now that is a romantic spot."

or

"I can pull over while you get down on one knee."

So 4 hours after he picked up the ring.

During the biggest rainstorm I have ever seen. (Raining buckets.)

Sitting in my paid for Ford Fusion.

I basically forced Texas to give me "The Ring."

I couldn't wait any longer.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

We aren't the kind that is packing each other flowers, or writing poetry.

Besides, at least he knows what he is getting himself into, and he likes it!!

Another engagement picture, just because:

I am so happy I could just run around with a stupid smile on my face.

Oh, so the naked diet part... I almost forgot. You would think getting engaged would make a girl kick start the diet/exercise. I guess the number one thing I have learned, is that there is something so amazing about knowing The Guy finds you attractive and loves you. Extra 30 pounds and forced proposals.. the whole shEbang.

WIW

Last week: 178.6
This week: 179.6

That's a gain of 1 pound.

I have actually been pretty on point this last week and lots of added exercise, so I'm calling it a win even if the whore of a scale isn't.

I ate a bit more yesterday than I have all week because my band finally opened up a bit after all the rain we have been having. She is pretty temperamental old bitty and hates the weather changes.

I'm keeping at it. 159 by Christmas!

Weigh in Wednesday

Start weight: 277
Last week: 178
This week: 178

Total loss: 99

Low- 162... this is an elusive number.

I did accomplish something big today, I made it to work without stopping for a Sprite and without eating a donut.

I'm calling it a win.

Talk about being  slow learner. I couldn't figure out why all I wanted to do in the mornings (I was obsessing about it) was stop and get a Sprite. With a straw and a bunch of ice.

What was different this year than had been for the past two school years? Before I only had a Sprite occasionally, as a treat, and then I'd move on.

Well I finally figured it out, before I had ALWAYS grabbed two bottles of water and drank one while I was getting ready and one while I was driving to school.

The key for me is to drink WATER before I get thirsty, not wait until I am thirsty. When I have that "I'm thirsty feeling" I always want to drink a Sprite, it is my first thought and I just can't seem to get past it.

So, Lorie, drink water when you first wake up. Check.

I'm taking a number from Vanessa and being kind to myself. Taking baby steps.

Texas and I went for a ride on the road bikes last night and had so much fun!

11.2.13 A good day for a wedding

I’m going to marry my best friend on November 2^nd.

We officially got engaged on Saturday, September 7^th and I am telling you I was/am so excited!

I’ve been through a string of bad first dates and not understanding even for a second what people meant when they said “I’m dating my best friend” or “I’m marrying my best friend.”  Well you see I have been dating for 10 years, and had no reason to believe that one day it would all work out. At 26, I had lost faith in the male gender and believed all the good ones were taken.

I will admit, I thought ‘they’ were foolish and crazy. Mostly I thought ‘they’ were lying.

Then over the course of couple months “this guy” kept popping up at the motel I worked at. Calling in to make reservations, random conversations about his full name and his amazing ability to remember details, borrowing my charger for his iPad, and then one day the “phone number” exchange.

After the first date I thought, where did this guy come from?

After the second I thought, he can’t always be this nice.

After the third, I decided never to see him again. Because I was afraid, I didn’t want to let him in and I sure didn’t want him to know that he could hurt me.

Texas discovered walls I didn’t even know I had built.

I went out with him again and tried to stop seeing him multiple times after that.

The problem was he never reacted the way I expected him to. The way he was supposed to.

His reactions were full of kindness and a need to understand.

When we ran head first into walls that were built because others had treated me so badly, he never got angry, he never said it wasn’t fair or reacted in a way that made me feel ashamed of how I was feeling.

It is always ok to feel whatever I am feeling and to talk about it. Then talk about it again if I need to.

You see, I think I just KNEW he was something special. Knew that I was going to fall in love and that one day I would wake up and realize I had been foolish again. I thought I would one day realize that he wasn’t what I thought he was.

Until Texas, I had never known what it meant to be treated like I was loved by someone I was dating.

Before Texas I didn’t know what it was like to be respected, appreciated… I didn’t know that I had never dated someone who was kind to me.

He is so kind.

I consider Texas one of the biggest blessings that ever came into my life.  The timing was definitely a tender mercy.

The night he asked my Dad if he could marry me my  Dad came inside, gave me a hug, said; “congratulations.”

Then he said the thing that has stuck out the most to me. It was like a light bulb went off for me and my World tilted to the side.

He said “he was worth the wait, wasn’t he.”

It was a statement, not a question and it was definitely true.

This is the only picture (besides of the ring) I have of us from the day of the proposal. I'm saving the ring picture for the engagement story. :) To be delivered soon!

We went to the Texas vs BYU football game! It rained buckets... just for the record. I was a trooper. Best Girlfriend  FIANCE' Ever! :)

Two donuts for breakfast...

Randomly on a Tuesday morning I stop at a local bakery and get two donuts for breakfast...

My question is, why two?

Who is this girl?

What is her thought process?

I'm at school now and brought good things to eat, so I am hoping to get on track and stay on track the rest of the day!

WIW

Start weight: 277

Last week: 178
This week: 176.8

Loss: 1.2 pounds

Total loss of: 100.2

I am getting back into the groove...

Baby steps. Baby Steps.

**Update** Crossfit-

As my friend wrote yesterday-

"I dread the self inflicted torture."

I am going to Crossfit tonight for the first time in about 3 months.

If I don't die, I will be posting again here tomorrow for a Wednesday weigh in!

I have a bajillion excuses already, but I am going to hold myself to it.


I went.

It sucked.

I didn't die.

No one pointed, laughed or told me to go home. 

Crossfit is about family and they are all so supportive. 

Just don't take two months off... it hurts. 

This post won't write itself...

Have you read my freind Vanessa's post?

She laid it out there.

Exactly what I have wanted to write.

I haven't been blogging.

I told myself that it was because I have been busy with the end of Summer.

Busy with school starting.

Busy with Texas :)

All of those things are true, but I have always been busy.

Mostly, the truth is, I weigh same right now as I did 6, 12, 18 months ago.

It is boring.

But I am also not at goal.

So that leaves me in the same place I have been in.

And frankly I bet you all are as sick of my "start again" posts as I am of writing them.

The conclusion I have come to? I just can't give up.

So here it is, I am weighing in at 178 (who woulda guessed it?)

And I am still plugging along.

I will blog more. I will try and stay more accountable. I will keep pushing until I get to goal and beyond.

WIW

178 again this week.

Nothing too sad about maintaining... except I'd like to get on down to the 160's :)

Anywho...

Guess what happens to me occiasionally?

I still think I weigh 277 pounds.

I still feel like I take up more space in the World than I should.

This is a battle for me.

Why is there/was there ever shame attached to what I weighed/weigh?

Why do I think other people care?

How can I wear a pair of size 12 jeans and a medium shirt and still be uncomfortable in my own skin?

This brain of mine, I am telling you, it is broken some days.

:)

The next big thing...

Seems like I am always hoping something will motivate me to drop the last 25/30 pounds...

I've been hoping for it for over a year now.

Searching for it.

Trying to find it, read about it, write about it.

Hoping something would come out of the wood work and kick me in the ass.

It isn't happening.

You wanna know why?

This entire journey is about choices.

About willpower.

Your very own. My very own.

If I want to lose instead of maintain, I have to do it.

There is no secret.

I can't buy it.

I can buy help. Hello- self pay lap-band, dropping 100 pounds, crossfit, zumba, races, roadbike. Those are all things I paid for. But, I have to use them.

The JM 30 day shred I bought and is still in the wrapper?

Not helping.

Crossfit membership I haven't used in 2 months?

Not making me leaner.

I am a warrior and I will use my own willpower and maybe even kick myself in the butt.

Starting today, again.

It isn't about not failing, it is about not quitting.

Weigh in Wednesday

178.0 This morning.

When did I weigh in last?

I have no idea.

I am staying in the 170's for the rest of my life I guess...

Who know.

I guess at least I'm not going up.

I am back to work- not full time, but basically. So I will be a better blogger.

A post about surprises..

Sorry for lack of pictures. For some reason I took zero pictures with my phone and can't seem to end up with my computer/camera/ and wifi at the same time.

#firstworldproblems.

Surprise #1

So I went on vacation to South Dakota!

We had such a great time staying in a KOA and seeing all the sites there are to see around Mount Rushmore area.

The thing is, none of my siblings were able to go.

BUMMER

I put on a good front about being an "only child for a week" and all that stuff.

Don't get me wrong, they are a good time.

And we were one of 8 campers in our group.

All "family" in one way or anther. Like 2nd cousins and stuff like that!

Anyway, we were having fun.

Texas couldn't come with us on Saturday because of work (and he really needed to be in his own car so that if something came up with work he could leave), so he talked about maybe coming up Tuesday or Wednesday.

Well on Monday morning we were going to get on a train to see the sights and while we are waiting in line, who shows up? Texas.

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

No joke.

I guess he conspired with my Mom so he would know where we were at and what our plan was.

Then drove all night Sunday night and got there just in time to sit by me on the train and hold my hand.

It was awesome. He got to stay the remainder of the week and we had such a good time.

Except when we were practicing our softball skills and he gave me a goose egg... I can't believe I don't have a picture of that.

Surprise #2- I didn't gain any weight on vacay.

Trying to find my happy place

This is the first time since I started blogging that I just don't believe in myself...

For Real.

I know what I need to do to get out of the 170's.

1. Drink water and only water.

2. Don't eat M&M's for breakfast.

3. Move more.

I just am not.

Where is my warrior self?

Where is my motivation?

WIW

Last week: 178
This week: 179.2

Gain 1.2

I'm rolling with it because I am bloated and cranky and blah, blah, blah, blah!

I'll keeping up the battle.

I'm leaving for South Dakota on Saturday for a family vacation!

I LOVE SUMMER!

TTT

1. I literally had a bag of M&M's (peanut, gotta look out for protien) in my hand yesterday morning when I got a text from my friend Vanessa. I put them down and went the rest of the day "sugar free."

2. I am a bad ass warrior and so are my banded blogging friends.

3. Went running this morning. It was hot as heck already (9 o'clock) but I went 2 miles and felt alright.

4. I like to run. It is painful but I do like it.

5.  I have decided that I really enjoy about 5 days of the spring and 5 days of the fall... other than that, the weather is pretty miserable here in God's country. I still love it. I just can't imagine more bipolar weather. -30 to triple digits.... Ugh

6. I am on day two of the no sugar. I feel tired and lathargic. I'll beat this.

7.  Sugar is my addiction. I literally have written on my palm today "just don't." It is something I told myself the entire first year after being banded. The entire phrase is "I just don't eat like that anymore." It seems to work and assists in reminding me that I am a different, healthier person.

8. I will continue to improve myself. It isn't a race. I haven't ran out of time. I am not a failure. *mostly I am reminding myself.

9. I'm at my PT gig tonight. I have always loved this job, but some of the other people aren't doing their part and so it has kinda been a drag lately. :(

10. Things with Texas are going well. I met his mom and kids this week and we had a grand old time  

WIW

Last week: 174.2
This week: 178.2

Gain of: 4 pounds.

I expected it. I have been really active and on the go but I have also just been shovel crap food in my mouth!

I'm trying to drop the sugar today and see how that goes. I feel sluggish and icky, so it can't hurt!

Keep at it ladies!

Bucket list update

Porch painted.

This wouln't of happened (at least not this year) without Texas. He is a go getter. This is the porch he power washed.

Awesome-sauce! I love getting stuff done.

I also love that even though it is TOO FREAKING HOT outside, I am not miserable like I was when I weighed 277 pounds. That was misery. :) I hope that I never forget what it felt like to be trapped in a body that just couldn't do what I wanted it to.

:)

Remember these?

My 2013 goals...  An update. 

1. No new clothes until I am at goal weight- anything 145 or lower. Screwed this up... a few times. :) 
2. Run 6 races, doesn't matter the length or the difficulty. Just get out there and race. Signed up for a bike race, dropped out. That is how I roll.  
3. Weigh 145 by my 2 year bandiversary. I've got 5 months to lose 30 pounds. *Totally doable.* (Nods to self.) FAILED. Not giving up, but this one didn't happen. Amending to say by 3 year bandiversary. :) 
4. Make exercise something I just do. I have been active, but formal exercise has not been a priority. 
5. Get married. We will see. Not out of the question. 
6. Pay off my surgery loan. Pay off car. (I switched to car because the interest rate is higher.)I KILLED THIS! I had two years worth of payments on my car and I paid that bad boy off last month. This will be my first month since I was 17 without a car payment! Happy-happy! (6/02/13) 
7. Get a treadmill at my house. NO EXCUSES. (-13 this morning at 7:45, too stinking cold.) Sucking at this! :) 

Summer adventure- Rafting and a NSV

We found a rock and soaked up the sun! Such a pretty day! 

Then we jumped off of the rock. That water was FREEZING! 

Then we had a timed group shot.


NSV? I wore that same bathing suit/shorts combo last August at Lake Powell.
I love this lap-band!

Oh- and how nice is Texas? I didn't wear a hat or sunglasses (why? I have no idea,) so he let me wear his.

WIW

Start weight: 277
Last week:181.2
This week: 174.2

Where did that come from? Amazing-sauce

Week loss: 7 pounds.

Ummmm.... I'm rolling with it. I'm gonna keep at it.

Stay tuned for a rafting post and a NSV.

I LOVE SUMMER.

Summer bucket list- 2013

So last Summer I wrote a list of things to accomplish so that I would know exactly what I did with my summer... So this is the 2013 list-

1. Rafting
2. Zip line
3. Camping
4. Camp fire cuddling
5. Swimming
6. Bowling
7. Concert
8. Fireworks 
9. Softball
10. 4 wheeler adventure
11. BBQ with friends
12. Learn a few country dances
13. Carve name in a tree
14. "Salmon run"
15. Make hobo dinners
16. Bike rides
17. Run the Uintah 1/2 Marathon
18. Attend a rodeo
19. Hike to a cave
20. Do something "tourist like."
21. Go to the lake
22. Meet Greg's kids
23. Finish the dang porch
24. Maintain the "weed" situation at my house. 

I will be documenting each adventure with pictures and a blog post. It is my attempt at being a better blogger this summer! 

Random-Pants- 10tt

1. I am always a bad blogger in the summer. Just too many adventures going on.

2. I'd say it was going to change, but that would be a lie.

3. I technically have the summer "off" but work pretty much full time ranching and at the motel gig.

4. I really need to dedicate a day a week to just "staying home." Either that or hire a yard boy, maid, professional organizer, laundry lady, and personal assistant.

      4a. #4 Isn't going to happen.

5. Got a new horse. His name is Dollar, but for some reason my brain wants to call him "Cowboy." Which just for the record I thing would be a terrible horse name.

6. I've been trying to paint my porch since last summer.... see 4. I think it is acutally going to happen in the near (ish) future.

7. Changed my relationship status on Facebook. First. Time. Ever. It was a big step for me.

8. Going to float the Green River tomorrow! I love me some summer.

9. Band has been a big old butt face and I've been having trouble eating. Why, oh why, is it so fickle at times? I don't have a clue.

10. I may or may not be playing on a coed softball team... peer pressure much? 2 years ago? Would NOT of happened.

10a. Thank-you fickle band, but you are still a butt face.

10 b. I have eaten well two days in a row now, when will I get my award in the mail?

WIW

I'll post more later.

I am running out the door to move some cows around and enjoy the summer weather.

I have a few things that have been buggin me and I will, of course, unload them here. Why else do we blog?

Last weeks weight (estimate, I was on the mountain): 181
This weeks: 181.2
Start weight: 277
Weekly loss/gain: +.2

Total loss: 95.8

I feel fat and fluffy... could it be all of the junk food? Ummm.... probably so.

My abs are still so sore from CrossFit on Monday.

I will post tonight. I have an update on my "2013 goals," "2013 word" and a mini goal/non-challenge.

A HUGE shout-out to my friend Robyn, she has been inspiring me for months now and I am about to get on the kick butt wagon with her!

TTT- Boyfriend edition

1. Guess I have a boyfriend. I shall call him Texas for the purpose of this blog.
    1a. Don't worry, I know you all want all of the nitty-gritty details... I will not disapoint.
    1b. Yes, he is a great kisser. A+, 10 points... well, you get the idea.

2. I still choke over the word when saying it. I have made the imporvement from saying; "ummm, yeah, this is...a.. "Texas."
To saying; "This is "Texas.""

I'm calling that a Hell-of-an-improvement... good thing he has patience, because sometimes I feel 12.

3. He says two things that will remind you that he is from Texas.

   3a. "Yeah-yeah."
   3b. "Cool."

4. I wish Y'all (ha ha) could experience it. It is so sexy adorable.

5. He is 6'1", and weighs 141.8 pounds, at night, fully clothed (jeans included) AFTER dinner... yes, ladies, he is one of those. Gross right? My friend over at Athena Banded Warrior, assured me that age would be a great equalizer... I can only hope.
Who is this person that eats to live?! Weirdo...

We will forgive him because of the following:

6. He is so stinkin' nice. Like for real. Nice in a way that I like.
       Example: He doesn't bring me flowers, he power washes the porch.
                       This is the kind of stuff that gives this girl butterflies.

7.  He is so smart and so witty. Normally I don't like witty people, buecause lets face it, if I am with witty people, then I just don't have much else going for me.

8. He has two children, and he loves them. He provides for them. Amazing.

9. He is such a hard worker. He works a bajillion hours a week and his phone rings/dings/bings....all the time. Even during dinner:) I love this. Now a normal Lady would probably be bugged, but for me it is exactly what I grew up with and gives me a sense of security. I guess, it reminds me of my Dad... who I pretty much think walks on water.

10. He thinks I am funny. This may be the best thing about him. No joke. Today, I told a joke and laughed so hard I spit out both sides of my mouth (not something I was drinking, real live spit), then I was so embarassed. Then we laughed and laughed some more. Then laughed some more.

10 a. Wanna know something else, Texas just told me about it today. I guess on our first date when I thought he was trying to hold my hand... he was actually going in for a High Five. A  High Five! Can you imagine? I laughed so hard when he told me today. Then I got embarassed again. Twice. Embarassed twice in one day? This never happens to me. I thought it was impossible... but I guess I've thought a lot of things were impossible, and I have pretty much kicked those in the crotch butt.

Texas on the phone... "multitasking."
He was actually a hand at this cow moving stuff! He went two long days in a row... 

And more multitasking...

and more....

ahhhh! More... but only the best multitasking here :) 

Summer, bloggin', boyfriends and shenanigans... and WIW

Well, my date with the scale didn't happen...

I am betting it was 180 or so. I feel bloated and icky.

It didn't happen because I have spent all of my time doing this...

 This horse, Slim, loves to slpash in the water! I wish it was a better picture. It is so funny!

So I have been moving plenty... eating plenty too. I am going to try and hit crossfit 3 times next week. 

I also joined a softball league... who is this girl? 

I'm sorry my blogging really sucks in the summer. I am going to attempt to do better. 

Now on to what you all are reading for anyway... 

Introducing "The Boyfriend." 

Isn't he cute? 

I'm going to do an entire "Ten Things Thursday" about him tomorrow. 

Hold your breath, it will be that good. :) 

WIW

Starting weight: 277
Last week: 175.2
This week: 177.3

Gain: 2.1

Total loss: 99.7

I kinda thought last week I might be a little dehydrated, I'm now sure that was the case.

Exercise has been awesome. Food has been the equivalent of a 12 year old locked in a candy shop without supervision.

I'm working on it. Where are you "Girl of Moderation?"

730 days

Can you believe it has been 2 years?

I sure can't.

My oh my how life has changed.
.... and at the same time, stayed the same.

This is where I was at my 1 year-  356 days.

I am still grateful for all of those things.

Today I weigh 175. That is up 8 pounds from 1 year ago.

What is different? What happened?

I gained lean muscle mass.

I started crossfit.

I have tried to stop obsessing about the number and get to living.
  **I still obsess about the dang number.

I am not giving up on my goal of 145. I will get there. This may even be the year... :)

The truth is, I am finially living. I am finally just being me.

This girl is never far from my mind....

Loosing weight has changed everything and it has changed nothing.

I am no longer letting my weight hold me back.

I am a happy girl with her entire life in front of her, the sky is the limit.

but this is the girl I am these days.

 

I'll never forget where I came from,  just so I never have to go back. Not even for a visit. 

WIW

Start weight: 277
Last week: 177.8
This week: 175.2

Loss of 2.6

Total loss: 101.8

I saw this number a time or two this week and then again this morning. I have been playing cowgirl and such, so I hope I am staying hydrated well enough. I guess we will see on the weigh next week.


Back down 100+ pounds.

Boo-yah! Get out there and kick some butt ladies.

TTT~ Summer Edition

1. I'm calling this summer edition because it is a day late, and that is how I roll in the summer. Also because I just put my students on the bus for the last time this school year!

2. I don't think I have been asleep before 1 am one time this week. That never happens.

2a. Oy, the life of a single, working/playing/dating girl... it is hard work:) 

3. My underwear have matched my outfit every day this week. Kinda made me feel like I have it all together.

4. I'm still rocking my Girl of Moderation motto. Who is this girl and can she be my new BFF?

5. I'm going to start attending Crossfit at the 7am class. Same trainer that I have been going to (who I think is fantastic) just an earlier class so that the Summer adventures I am planning don't cut into my Crossfit time.

6. I have previously had a difficult time exercising in the morning. I will see how this plan goes and then if I need to, adjust again.

7. 3 people this week have told me I am slimming down and for the first time in months I have felt thin, attractive and like I was making progress towards my fitness goals.

8. The weather here is beautiful and I just can't wait to get on my horse Monday morning and find a cow to ride behind.

9. Change in my routine always makes me worried that I am going to wake up one morning and weigh close to 300 pounds... and be the girl again that lets her weight hold her down.

10. I'm gonna find somewhere to take a nap before my evening adventures take off.

Find your boots and flip flops, it is summer time baby!

WIW- sometimes I even surprise myself.

Who is this girl of "all things in moderation" that has taken over my brain?

It is amazing.
She is amazing.

Cuz y'all know that I usually going Mach 90 towards being the healthiest person alive.

Or...

Mach 90 towards a food spiral, that includes lots and lots of sugar and lazy lethargic workouts.

Though I have to say, Crossfit has kept the workouts pretty legit.

So here are the numbers.

Start weight: 277
Last weeks weight: 180.4
This weeks weight: 177.8

Loss for the week: 2.6

Total loss: 99.2

I'll be rocking that minus 100 again by next Wednesday- Girl of moderation willing.

I am learning to be kind to myself and my body as I gain muscle and discard fat and inches. It isn't always easy after all this time being addicted to the scale, but I am getting better.

I am 10 pounds heavier than I was this time last year, or close to it, but I know that I am healthier and a heck of a lot stronger!

Loosing weight changes everything

I used to believe that loosing weight didn't change anything.

That even after loosing 100+ pounds I would be the same person.

Just wear a differnt size of clothing.

I don't believe that anymore.

It changed things I couldn't even imagine. It didn't change the things that I hoped so badly it would.

I'm the girl in the pink. I just realized that I wear that sweater too much.

That girl in the pink never turned down invitations to go out with friends or go on an adventure because  she had to get her workout in.

Now it happens all of the time.

That girl in the pink drank Pepsi like it was going out of style. Wasn't sure I could make it through the day without it. 

Now? Now I know a person can make it just drinking water. I drink lots of water.
I know that if the weather changes abruptly then I will have to fall back and drink protien shakes for a day or two. 

I haven't touch Pespsi since I wrote this, I am pretty proud of myself. To this day, if I smell it my mouth waters. I will never touch it again.

I run. I do squats and burpees and lift heavy things. That girl in the pink, she didn't know burpees existed.

Know what it didn't change? What I really thought it would? 

How much I date. For real. I always assumed that I dindn't date much because I didn't take care of myself physically.

While I am sure that does play a factor, it wasn't the main reason. 

Nope.  

I can't even begin to express the pain that realization caused me. 

It was rock bottom. 

Because, you know, if I couldn't blame my fat for it, then it had to be me.

It had to be something else I was doing. 

Ugh. Not fun to analyze. 

There was much soul searching to find peace with that realization. 

So when it comes down to it.

Pretty much everything has changed, even if it is just the way I look at it.

What has changed or hasn't changed for you?

TTT

1. I turn 26 in 16 days. I'm not sure how I feel about this? I usually am crazy about my birthday, but this year I'm kinda feeling like I haven't got a lot to show for the last year. Ugh

2. 15 days until my two year band-iversary. Not anywhere near where I thought I would be. I thought I had my goal weight in the bag. Little did I know.

3. I weighed in at 181 this morning. 2 days in a row BACK in the 180's... How does this happen? Tuesday I was literally 177. Donkey balls.

4. Still loving me some crossfit.  I am going in for a body fat percentage scan the day before my bandiversary to see what has changed in the last 5months with my new workout routine. I know I have gained muscle, I just wish my belly would shrink. Double balls.

5. School is out in 8 days. Only 6 of those school days. I love my job,but I'm kinda feeling the burnout this year. Some things about it are just too depressing (this coming from the girl that cannot watch the news.)

6. I'm going to up my cardio and see if that will jump the weight loss again....

7. I'm have to renew my DL before my birthday..... I will not be able to out the 145 down that I wanted to see so badly....

8. Confession- all this has got to my head today and instead of eating my chicken and veggies I had packed I ate 10 Oreos. Good work Lorie. Good work.

9. I'm joining Robyn on her no soda for a week pledge. I only have about one sprite per week, but I think that is too much. I will be extending that challenge to only drinking water.

10. After number 8 Vanessa talked me off the ledge, I got right back on track instead of just tossing the day in the trash and eating junk food the rest of the day. I'm calling it a win.

10a. I really believe that I am the only one standing between me and being at goal. Get the hell out of the way Lorie.

WIW

Sometimes the scale is not my friend.

I was on point and hovering around 177 for the last week.

Then this morning?

180.4

I thought about not posting this, but then I remembered my promise.

I had a single slice of thing crust pizza last night.

The night before a weigh in? And after being on point for a week?

Call me crazy.

Anyway,

Last week: 178.2
This week: 180.4

Gain of: 2.2

I'm sure I will be back in the 170's by tomorrow.

No stressing.

Crossfit tonight... it looks like a killer.

What are you doing for workout wednesday

How do I fix my brain?

Even at my heaviest, I was in some serious denial. 

I thought I was just "really heavy" in my stomach and the rest was just average size. The most surprising thing to me was how much weight I lost in my face and how much I liked it. 

At the begining of this journey I just kept hoping "please let my stomach shrink." 

It has. For sure. It is still my "biggest" area. Still the part of me that when I take measurements I just hope and pray has decreased. 

You see, when ever I purchased new jeans if they fit the waist, they fit everywhere. With room to spare. 

Not so anymore. 

First. Time. Ever. 

I'm back down to around 177 (just after starting Crossfit, I seemed to JUMP to 187.)

Anyway, I'm noticing that my jeans are loose around the waist- like pull them off without unbuttoning loose.

My stomach looks to me to be just about the same, but it is deflated. And when I do the "loose skin check" pose my stomcah hanges "funnier" than it ever has. (Oh my hell no one is ever gonna wanna get naked with me!:) 

But they are CRAZY tight on my thighs. 

New problem for me. 

I might go so far as to say that my inner thighs are toning (I HATE my inner thighs, saggy-baggy, eek. But I can feel the muscles developing. Even see em if I pay attention) 

My arms are toning, my shoulders. My butt that doesn't really exist is toning (seriously, I gotta find someone to grab it and write a testimonial.) My calves, forearms. Everything. 

BUT... 

How do I cure the "it is tight so you are getting FAT" mentality? 

How do I fix the mental side of me? 

How do I fix my obsession with "The Number." 

You see, my lowest weight is around 162 (for like a week.) I love that number. I will be there again. 

Fact: I am in better shape now than I was then. I have more muscle. I am toning and my body likes it. 

How do I fix my brain? 

 

TTT

1. On 3/25 I did the following workout at Crossfit...

"Elizabeth"
21 Cleans
21 ring dips
15 Cleans
15 ring dips
9 cleans
9 ring dips

My "clean" weight for the workout was only 45 pounds and I was pretty dang happy about it.

The whole thing took 8 min and 46 seconds.

Last night we completed the same workout, "Elizabeth." I ADDED.

YEP ADDED

40 pounds, for a total of 85 pounds.

Completed the workout in 8 min and 51 seconds.

This Crossfit buisness works.

2. I could go on and on and on about Crossfit. I just feel like I have found my "thing." It is always changing (maybe repeating a benchmark workout, like the one above every few months) and heaven knows I need me some variety.

My workout makes me nervous. Every freaking time.

3.  I have a 40 mile bike race in about a week... haven't even dusted off my bike yet. I am not going to sweat it.

4. I've been running 2 times a week on top of my 4 or 5 crossfit sessions.
I have found my love for running again, but that first 1/2 mile always sucks. Seriously, I freaking hate it.

5. When I am working out, it is easier to love my body. To find things about myself that I like.

6. I have the hardest time with balance. I am ether Mach 90 or standing still. So I am either working out, eating great, skipping out on every social event and making a point of getting all my workouts in.

7. OR... I am doing the opposite. Socializing. Celebrating with food. My workouts become "negotiable." Jeez. I will continue to work on this.

8. I do feel better when I am in the swing I am in now. I just have to workout so that my head sits on my shoulders straight.

9. 2.5 weeks until summer vacay. I love teaching, but I love me some summer.

10. My two year bandiversary and 26th birthday is less than 1 month away. My oh my where does the time go?

WIW- and a whack "fat people are less" article.

Starting weight: 277
Last week: 181.0
This week:178.2
Loss of: 2.8

bow-chica-wow-wow! I have finally found my groove again!

Have you seen this whack  article claiming to quote the CEO of Ambercrombie and Fitch?

Go read it.

I realize it is all kinda "second hand quotes."

Anyone know if this is true?

I don't think I have ever tried to wear anything from Ambercrombie and Fitch.

Do they really not carry XL?

Interesting.

Nobody is going to believe this

I made it through a weekend without being completely derailed from my plan.

It is one of these superhero powers that I am developing.

I was successful, I believe, because of this article that Athena the Banded Warrior posted.

It hit very close to home- just replace drugs and alcohol with food.

One line that hit me, and I kept repeating this weekend: "The fact is, though, that the sufferer must be a willing participant in their own recovery. They must not pick up a drink or drug. Just don’t pick it up — that’s all."

Now I recognize that we have to eat, but I have to choose not to pick up the wrong foods.
It is my choice to stay on the path of healthy eating, to workout, to never again be at a weight that impedes the quality of my lifestyle.

It is all about choices.
The use of my own willpower.

It is kind of a scary thought.

WIW

Starting: 277
Last week: 179.2
This week: 181.0

Gain of 1.8.

Didn't surprise me. I spend all day Saturday and Sunday on a horse, but my food choices weren't the greatest and the sodium was SKY HIGH! Beef jerky, anyone?!

Anywhozzle, Monday I weighed 185.6- I can't make this shiz up.

I've already been to Crossfit twice this week- Monday was hell and I will post for your pleasure:

Run 1/2 Mile
Then do two rounds of the following:
50 burpees
40 pull ups
30 squats
20 kettlebell swings (35 pounds.)
10 handstand push ups.
Then
Run 1/2 mile.

It took me 36:16, which I thought was pretty darn great. Our trainer, Colter planned to cut us off at 40 min wherever we were in the workout. I thought for sure I wouldn't be finished.


Tuesday at Crossfit was a weight training day, which I really like. Afterwards I ran 3 miles. Felt like a beast.

Smidgen of a fill yesterday, already feel better! I turned down pumpkin cake and pizza (I ate the toppings off of one piece) last night-

Super Powers ladies.

I no longer celebrate with food. I not longer celebrate with food. I no longer celebrate with food.

What do you see?

I probably quote this part of this movie in my head at least 2 times a week. 

Get on with your bad self! 

What I would weigh

When I was 16 I weighed 190.

I had Lap Band surgery at the age of 24.

I weighed 277.

So if I take an average I gained 10.87 pounds a year from 16 to 24.

Approaching my 2 year bandiversary and my 26th birthday I realize that without the Lap Band and shit load of hard work I would

298.74 pounds. 

Ugh.

The thought make me feel terrible.

That puts into persepective my weight that is in the 170's .

It is never easy, but I have never regretted it.

I am fighting for my life. My future. My health.

WIW

Start weight: 277
Last weeks weight: 179.8 (I wrote yesterday that it was 179.2 but, when I checked my log this morning it was .8)

This weeks weight: 179.2

Weekly loss of: .6

Total loss of: 97.8

My non-challenge weight with Robyn and Vanessa is -20 by June first. That means I have to lose 12.2 pounds by then.

Game on.

Lowest weight so far: 162- I'm on my way back baby!

It is workout Wednesday, I will be hitting the 4 pm CrossFit class at Crossfit Avenue. What are you up to?

Wishy-Washy

You know what/who I think is really awesome?

Lap Band Gal

There are many reasons, but right now I am talking about one.

The fact that she weighs in EVERY SINGLE FRIDAY, only exceptions is when she is away from her scale.

She has done it for as long as I've been following her, 2 years.

I'm pretty sure she has always weighed on Fridays.

Wasn't her surgery on a Friday? *Please let me know if I am mistaken.

I used to be pretty dang good at this.

Weighing in every week.

I've tried Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's.

Wednesday's are the day for me.

My surgery was on a Wednesday.

I just think it feels right.

So I'm saying, I will no longer be wishy-washy about this part of the journey.

When I stopped checking in weekly? I started to gain weight.

Every Wednesday I will post it here. Up 6 pounds, down 2, it doesn't matter. Even if it gets redundant because I am up and down the same 2 pounds for a month.

I've gotta do it for me.

Thankfully Lap Band Gal is here to show me some steps to success while I am stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way.

Tomorrow is the day. Last weigh in was 179.2. We will see how tomorrow weighs out.

Flash Back

About 245 pounds. 

This was at a wedding in Idaho with some of my beautiful roommates from college. That shirt is a 2x, and I remember specifically that the skirt was an 18 because I was so freaking happy that is zipped when I tried it on at the store.

I also remembered that I bought what fit, even if it was expensive and even if I didn't really love it.

Just a reminder of where I started.

TTT

1- I woke up today and wanted to binge on sugar. I didn't.

2- I even stopped at the store on the way to school and left empty handed.

3- #2 should be considered a super power.

4-  I am rocking my workout routine and I can FEEL it making a difference.

5- 5 weeks until Summer vacation... now that is something to be crazy about.

6- We have had the crappiest weather this week. Seriously. We need all the rain/snow we can get, but does it have to be freezing donkey butt outside? And the wind! My hell, the wind. Mother Nature can be a hooker when she wants to be.

7- I am still saddened by the events in Boston. My heart aches every day for our Country and for the World. I don't see anyway to help or prevent these things.
So I did what I always do. I hug my family and remind them that I love them. I say a prayer for the people affected to find comfort.Then I find something good in the day. Maybe 10 things good. It can be simple things- people being kind, going out of their way to encourage or whatever it is. Small, simple goodness. Then I remember that, I hold that feeling in my heart and that is the only thing that brings me comfort.
If I dwell on it I lose hope. I get depressed and I can't function.
I don't watch the news for that very reason. My heart is too soft and I am afraid that the ugly of the World will break me and I will never be able to put it back together.

8-  So these are the little things!

9- I think I really have this weight loss thing under control. I'm going to "hardcore" these last 30 pounds to the park... then go from there. 

10-  My hands (among other things) are sore from my weight lifting this week. My hands are building callouses... I'm trying to convince myself that men will love it:) 

I'm converted

To CrossFit.

I am not saying it is the be all and end all of exercise.

I firmly believe that each person has to find their fit.

Some swim (which I do not like.)
Some use the elptical (which I don't really like either.)

Some of us run, which I truly enjoy but I don't want to do every day.
Some of us bike... which is one of my FAVORITE, but in the forzen land I live in it is really only possible a few months of the year.

I've been know to Zumb@ and shake my butt like it is on fire.

From the first time I tried CrossFit, I knew it was the kind of punishment for me.

Reason #1- I am totally into a group of people that are cheering you on, not letting you quit.

Reason #2- I love that it is always different.

Reason #3- I love the trainers and how they always help me to be more than I thought I could be.

This is the big reason........


I haven't ran since November after my Ragnar... I just kinda got tired of it. Bored.

So in January I started Crossfit. And the journey began.

So THE BIG REASON. Reason number 4.

I ran tonight. I ran 2.6 miles (5 mph and 5.5 mph) without stopping and felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I think Laura Bell would say "amazing balls."

So I can train for running without running every day? I am in.

Sold.

What does losing weight cost you?

In dollars. What does it cost you?

Remember those days when I thought "I just can't afford that?"

I do. 

Know what occured to me today?

I spend 325 dollars a month on being healthy. That does not includ food or new running shoes or new workout clothes.... none of that.

THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS!  

I am not freaking kidding you. 

1. 200 dollars for my loan payment that I got for my self pay Lap Band surgery. 

2. 100 dollars a month for my CrossFit membership.

3. 25 dollars a month for a membership to my local rec center. 

Then if I get a lap band adjustment, that is out of pocket, $65. 

I can't justify spending that money, then shoving crap food in my mouth.  

Get up and get moving Lorie, this is the time. 

Artificial Will Power

Confession time!

I spent January, February and March of this year convinced my band didn’t work.

For serious.

I thought I had just somehow convinced myself to diet for 18 months and the band had never done anything for me.

No joke.

My weight had gone up.

I couldn’t get full.

My cravings were out of control.

I thought “this thing doesn’t work.” “It has never worked.”

 thought “Lorie, you have no willpower, none.”

I was trying to eat the same foods/portions as always.

I was exercising.

I was failing.

At 186, 24 pounds up from my lowest (162), I started researching different diets.

Diets that had never worked for me before and in the back of my mind, I knew they wouldn’t work again.

Desperate to get to my goal weight and fraught with worry that I would wake up at 277+ as a failure.

Finally, Monday April 8^th I went to see Amy for a fill.

She is always so nice and so supportive.

I wanted her to yell at me. Give me a serious do better talk. Tell me to get off my butt and not make excuses. I wanted her to tell me that it was my fault, that I wouldn’t be successful. Self destruct much?  

I think I wanted to give up because what I was doing just wasn't working.

She didn’t do that. She added .3, told me to come back if I thought I needed more. Told me I knew what I was doing and that I am her model “lap bander.”

She told me I could succeed…

So I left hopeful.

You know what? Those first 15 months my band was working because it is working now.

How do I know?

1.       I can eat 1 cup of food and be full for up to 4 hours.

2.       My food choices are not limited because I am NOT too tight.

3.       I am not hungry between meals and BECAUSE of that it is easier to not snack and to pass by foods I know I shouldn’t eat.

My band doesn’t do all of the work, but it does 20% of it.

The 20% that I can’t do on my own.

20% of added, artificial Will Power!

Game on.