Monday, May 13, 2013

How do I fix my brain?

Even at my heaviest, I was in some serious denial. 

I thought I was just "really heavy" in my stomach and the rest was just average size. The most surprising thing to me was how much weight I lost in my face and how much I liked it. 

At the begining of this journey I just kept hoping "please let my stomach shrink." 

It has. For sure. It is still my "biggest" area. Still the part of me that when I take measurements I just hope and pray has decreased. 

You see, when ever I purchased new jeans if they fit the waist, they fit everywhere. With room to spare. 

Not so anymore. 

First. Time. Ever. 

I'm back down to around 177 (just after starting Crossfit, I seemed to JUMP to 187.)

Anyway, I'm noticing that my jeans are loose around the waist- like pull them off without unbuttoning loose.

My stomach looks to me to be just about the same, but it is deflated. And when I do the "loose skin check" pose my stomcah hanges "funnier" than it ever has. (Oh my hell no one is ever gonna wanna get naked with me!:) 

But they are CRAZY tight on my thighs. 

New problem for me. 

I might go so far as to say that my inner thighs are toning (I HATE my inner thighs, saggy-baggy, eek. But I can feel the muscles developing. Even see em if I pay attention) 

My arms are toning, my shoulders. My butt that doesn't really exist is toning (seriously, I gotta find someone to grab it and write a testimonial.) My calves, forearms. Everything. 


How do I cure the "it is tight so you are getting FAT" mentality? 

How do I fix the mental side of me? 

How do I fix my obsession with "The Number." 

You see, my lowest weight is around 162 (for like a week.) I love that number. I will be there again. 

Fact: I am in better shape now than I was then. I have more muscle. I am toning and my body likes it. 

How do I fix my brain? 



  1. If you find out how to fix our brains let me know! I struggle with some of the same issues. Thank you for posting about your stomach because I am feeling THE SAME way! At least I we are not alone!

  2. We seem to have pretty much the same body shape..... I can wear a size 12 comfortably in the waist and butt and legs, but my stomach muffins over the top and I look so fat- hate it. I have no butt. I used to think I just needed to loss around the middle but have enjoyed seeing the loss in my face, neck, arms, and legs.

    Fix the brain- not so easy. But there are changes. Remember that I fast forwarded reading your blog so I have a time elapsed look and you have changed your thinking. I guess just give yourself time.

    I will be here for you through the battle. You really are not alone (like Holly Marie said)

  3. when i see pictures I see a difference, but when I look in the mirror not so much. I know that I look different but my head is taking a while to catch up with the rest of me. So I'm with Holly, if you figure it out let us know.

  4. You are such a bad ass! Toning and adding muscle is way cooler than being saggy and weighing a certain #. I'm praying for some tightening and toning. I'm opposite - my thighs are huge - I would rather have a big belly and thin legs...oh well - I guess the bottom line is that we are just bad asses who will be shredded for the summer...not a bad problem to have. Keep crushing it!