Friday, July 31, 2015

Fat by choice

Okie dokie peeps. Here is the deal. I've seen a few things floating around Facebook about obesity.

Guess what, they are always posted by skinny people (not all you skinny people are crazy, some of you are super cool... you know, like my husband Greg. Good guy right there.)

So the first one that got me going was posted by a gal, it was a picture of fruits and veggies and had some caaaatchy slogan about how if you don't want to be fat, eat better food.

Ummmm.... palm to forehead genius. Where did you read that at? In some book? Have you spent a lot of time obsessing about your weight? Guess what, I've heard that same thing. Probably in that same class.

The next wild thing she will probably post will be a little chart showing how your calories in have to equal or be less than calories out to lose weight. I'm so grateful for her guidance.

The second was an article some dude posted about how obese people should be kicked off of health care plans because we are a drain on the system. I only have one reply to that, we are really going to let the government have control over one more thing? What happens when your wife now in her 20's has a hysterectomy in her 50's and gains 50 pounds she cant get rid of? Then what? Or when your Mountain Dew/ Energy Drink habit catches up with you and you suddenly can't figure out what ruined your heart or kidneys. My point is... for the love of all that is good in this World, please don't give the government control over anything else. Especially something that isn't always as easy to control as you think it is. You with your catchy fruit and veggie slogan. (You being the people who are talking about obesity, but have never struggled with it.)

This is the part where I share some stats about my own journey with you. Don't worry, I'll save the nekky pictures for when I'm ready for a little bit bigger shock factor. For now, I'll keep those tucked away.

I'm going to start in the middle of my story. Seems like a good starting point for a journey that I've lived through and doesn't always make sense to me.

I honestly don't remember what I weighed in High School. Somewhere above the 200 pound mark. I specifically remember weighing 235 pounds all through college.

There are three types of people reading this.... The first are thinking HOLY SHIT, 2 hundred 35 pounds. Isn't that the same as a mini horse?

The second are thinking "I'd like to weigh 235 pounds. See weight is all about where you are in your journey.

The Third (*cough* Greg) are like "- ok. 235 pounds." This third group have no idea what they weigh. Or what other people should or do weigh. (Greg have I told you what a good dude you are lately?)

In the middle of my first year of teaching I realized I was gaining weight... So I started doing better. By the end of that school year I weighed 277 pounds (again, with the holy shit? You need to get more creative.)

 I had already started running/walking had cut out fast food and soda and still seemed to lose 5 pounds and then gain 2. It was a a battle.

This wasn't my first diet. I skipped about 10 years worth of dieting, depression, and an abusive relationship, stress, college... all that jazz. Mostly because who the hell wants to read all that BS? Second, the skinny girl/guy posting those things on Facebook won't care anyway. All they will see is a girl who ate more than her body needed and gained weight.

Guess what, I did. I know.

So in 2011 I underwent weight loss surgery and had a lap band placed. Don't worry this wasn't a drain on your personal wallet. Most insurances don't cover weight loss surgery and I paid out of pocket 10k for the surgery. Mostly because I don't give two shits about the person setting on the sidelines judging me for being fat. I care about me and my quality of life. I believe food addiction is a disease and it is ignored.

I lost 110 pounds (Holy shit, right?) I felt great.

I maintained between 167-177 for 3 years. Got married (hey Greg) and then soon after Pregnant.

Shooting back up to 246 pounds on the day I delivered my cute little PJM.

I remember blindly watching that number skyrocket. I remember tracking my calories and staying in my range and still gaining weight. By the time that baby got here my depression had stolen all the joy from pregnancy. I was not the girl my husband had married and I was not a person I liked very much. All because of weight. I let weight still my joy of being able to carry a baby? If that isn't a sickness, I don't know what is.

This morning I weighed in at 189 (holy shit... hahahah I make myself laugh.)

Here is the point where I tell you people sitting on the sidelines judging me for being obese to shut your mouth and go talk about Bruce Jenner and that silly lion.... or maybe Planed Parenthood (Now there are some skeesballs and we are so lucky we are funding that as a government. Heaven forbid I have extra fat...ok, ok I digress)

Anyway have you done any of the following?

1. Given everyone a piece of the birthday cake and then after they go to bed dumped the leftovers in the gargbage because you can't be trusted with them?
2. Have you skipped out on events because you don't want to be tempted by the goodies that will be there?
3. Have you happily drank your protein shake and pretended it really did taste like vanilla instead of chalk?
4. Have you gone to bed hungry more often than not because your calorie intake was maxed out for the day?
5. Have you forgone extra fun things so you could pay for your crossfit membership/a road bike/running shoes/ race entry?
6. Have you ran until you threw up?
7. Have you biked until you wanted to throw up?
8. Have you packed around the weight of an entire extra person?

If you haven't, you don't know the weight I've carried. You don't know my struggle. You don't know my story.

There are better ways to encourage than your snide posts on Facebook, if it is your aim to encourage. Call me crazy, but I think the main goal is to shame, prove supperiority and just in general be an ass bout something I'm struggling with and you in general don't have to think about that often.


  1. Girl, let's be FB friends. 😃

    1. A.J. I emailed you. Did you get it? If not, my email is I'd love to be FB friends. I've thought of you often and hope you are doing well.

  2. A to the MEN! Honest truth right there.