Thursday, August 25, 2011

Thankful Thursday

Sometimes I get hung up on all the things that I'm struggling with! So I'm going to start posting every Thursday about something I'm grateful for...

Thankful Thursday number 1

Today I'm thankful for my job! It isn't always easy, but the students are teaching me so much!
And... I don't have time to even think about food! :)

~Miss Lorie

Monday, August 22, 2011

On a "lighter note"

Today, I met my gym partner at the rec center at 5:30! We walked in the "current pool" for 1 hour!

Results: i'm exhausted tonight, i'm also very happy with myself...
I think it is going to help me make better food choices during the day, because i'm still stinging from the 5:15 alarm.


(Not so) Healthy Utah

So, every year to stay on the school district health insurance I have to go and get all of my "stats" checked at healthy Utah. What I learned? I'm still "not so healthy" BUT i'm making improvements...

BMI: 40 Obese:( (Duh)
Body Composition 49.8 (DISGUSTING)
Total Cholesterol: 154 (under 200 is good:)
HDL Cholesterol 45 (low)
Blood Pressure 100/60 Normal
Fasting glucose: 90 (under 99 is good)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Wasted Time

I spend too much time wishing I was loosing more weight. Wishing I had more restriction in my band. When the truth is... I'm not exercising the way I should be and i'm eating way TOO many cookies! :)
What am I going to do?
Well, starting tomorrow i'm meeting my gym partner at 5:30 in the morning! YUCKY! I know how I am, I better see results this week or i'm going to be so DISAPPOINTED! (and probably quit, but hopefully not).

I've got to start sending that scale in the right direction... I want to loose 100 pounds by my 1 year lap-band date!

60+ pounds to go!

School starts this week, I hope that doesn't affect my eating too much!

~Miss Lorie~

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Where you going to hide?

"if your own mind turns against you, where are you going to hide?" David Riddell

Quote from "looking for feet" blog
"The other day I realized I was still doing this all wrong. When I started to feel crappy again, I should have eaten more veggies, exercised more, drank more water. Instead I sat on my ass, ate chips, and ice cream and drank liters of Pepsi Max (lemonade for me.)"
"As delicious as the hiding place has been, I need to get out of it. Get out of my head."

This blogger said what I couldn't find the words to say in my last post. Or maybe I truly couldn't identify those emotions. I was to proud.... Or maybe naive to admit that i was sabotaging myself. That by living in my head I was telling myself that I couldn't succeed. That this time just like every other time I would fail. I would put the weight back on, plus some. Well I've outed myself.... The hiding place has been compromised. I will do better for myself. I'm not hiding anymore! BUSTED...

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I fell off the wagon....

First of all... A huge shout out to Ashley A. For being my personal cheerleader! I needed her tonight and she was there to lend a a helping hand. First of all... I've been in serious denial! After my last doctors visit I was on cloud 9! I couldn't be stopped. I went out and bought a bike and was really loving it, so proud of myself for the 40 pounds I had lost. Then something happened.... I don't know what, I cant pin point it and I ended up where I am now; in self mutilating mode (not in a slice my wrist sort of way, but in a I hate myself way.) TRUTH: I gave up on myself.... A really dark place where the 99 pounds I have left to loose is kicking me in the face. While I lay there, basically begging it to win, again!
The position I am in is proof that if you don't love yourself and believe in your own self worth, then no one else will either.
So, on this blog that I don't let anyone read, I'm making new goals, realizing that il make mistakes on my journey towards loosing my "obese" title.
1. No more lemonade! That shit is killing me.
2. Write down what I eat.
3. Measure... I feel like I've lost inches that I "think" I can see but don't have proof.
4. Weekly weigh ins.
5a. Cut out treats... If I'm hungry Eat a nutritional meal.
5. Loose 35 pounds by Christmas for a weight of 199 and a BMI of 35.2 (10 points down from start).

I'm not just getting back on the wagon... I'm driving this sucker!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Bottom of the barrel/ cream of the crop?

My dear young sisters, you need to know that you will experience your own adversity. None is exempt. You will suffer, be tempted, and make mistakes. You will learn for yourself what every heroine has learned: through overcoming challenges come growth and strength.
It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.
"Your happily ever after"

I have a very dear friend...( we are recently acquainted but it was one of those friendships that immediately took off!) We were having this discussion about dating. How it is so easy to have a one sided relationship (i.e. for one person to be more committed then another, or for one person to confuse "hanging out" and "dating.") We also talked about how as women we have a tendency to drop everything for a boy... boy calls; girl suddenly has no plans for the evening.
So our debate was; why do we act so desperate? Why do we feel like we are the "leftovers?" Like all of the good women were married when they were 18-20 leaving the rest of us to scrape together what we could find. Is this the truth? Are we the women that our Heavenly Father wouldn't dare force a son of his to spend Eternity with? (I know this isn't true, please understand my facetious nature.)
I recently experienced heartache... all the more pronounced because it was entirely one sided; leaving me with the heart break and him with a new "girl." (Cuz when a heartbreaks it don't break even. ~The Script) Like every time I become heart sick the following happened.
1. I was grumpy for a day or two... barking at every person within ear shot.
2. Emotionally Constipated (Ambers words, not mine... but accurate.)
3. then the self destruction starts with the following personal attack.
a. I must NOT be tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, educated enough, spiritual enough, funny enough, outgoing enough, forward enough, SKINNY enough.
b. I must BE to loud, to outgoing, to moody, to forward, etc.
4. And always "What did I do?"

At the end of the "post break up week" I'm left feeling like the bottom of the barrel.
So what is the truth of this? TRUTH:
When I look around at the BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG, TALENTED, SPIRITED, FAITHFUL, CARING, SERVING, young adults. We all have amazing potential. I refuse to act like i'm the bottom of the barrel, like I have to take whichever dork comes along; drop everything; be perfect, so that I might FINALLY catch someone. Truth? I'll stay alone FOREVER before I settle for "maybe we can be happy together."