What do you see?

I probably quote this part of this movie in my head at least 2 times a week. 

Get on with your bad self! 

What I would weigh

When I was 16 I weighed 190.

I had Lap Band surgery at the age of 24.

I weighed 277.

So if I take an average I gained 10.87 pounds a year from 16 to 24.

Approaching my 2 year bandiversary and my 26th birthday I realize that without the Lap Band and shit load of hard work I would

298.74 pounds. 

Ugh.

The thought make me feel terrible.

That puts into persepective my weight that is in the 170's .

It is never easy, but I have never regretted it.

I am fighting for my life. My future. My health.

WIW

Start weight: 277
Last weeks weight: 179.8 (I wrote yesterday that it was 179.2 but, when I checked my log this morning it was .8)

This weeks weight: 179.2

Weekly loss of: .6

Total loss of: 97.8

My non-challenge weight with Robyn and Vanessa is -20 by June first. That means I have to lose 12.2 pounds by then.

Game on.

Lowest weight so far: 162- I'm on my way back baby!

It is workout Wednesday, I will be hitting the 4 pm CrossFit class at Crossfit Avenue. What are you up to?

Wishy-Washy

You know what/who I think is really awesome?

Lap Band Gal

There are many reasons, but right now I am talking about one.

The fact that she weighs in EVERY SINGLE FRIDAY, only exceptions is when she is away from her scale.

She has done it for as long as I've been following her, 2 years.

I'm pretty sure she has always weighed on Fridays.

Wasn't her surgery on a Friday? *Please let me know if I am mistaken.

I used to be pretty dang good at this.

Weighing in every week.

I've tried Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's.

Wednesday's are the day for me.

My surgery was on a Wednesday.

I just think it feels right.

So I'm saying, I will no longer be wishy-washy about this part of the journey.

When I stopped checking in weekly? I started to gain weight.

Every Wednesday I will post it here. Up 6 pounds, down 2, it doesn't matter. Even if it gets redundant because I am up and down the same 2 pounds for a month.

I've gotta do it for me.

Thankfully Lap Band Gal is here to show me some steps to success while I am stumbling around in the dark trying to find my way.

Tomorrow is the day. Last weigh in was 179.2. We will see how tomorrow weighs out.

Flash Back

About 245 pounds. 

This was at a wedding in Idaho with some of my beautiful roommates from college. That shirt is a 2x, and I remember specifically that the skirt was an 18 because I was so freaking happy that is zipped when I tried it on at the store.

I also remembered that I bought what fit, even if it was expensive and even if I didn't really love it.

Just a reminder of where I started.

TTT

1- I woke up today and wanted to binge on sugar. I didn't.

2- I even stopped at the store on the way to school and left empty handed.

3- #2 should be considered a super power.

4-  I am rocking my workout routine and I can FEEL it making a difference.

5- 5 weeks until Summer vacation... now that is something to be crazy about.

6- We have had the crappiest weather this week. Seriously. We need all the rain/snow we can get, but does it have to be freezing donkey butt outside? And the wind! My hell, the wind. Mother Nature can be a hooker when she wants to be.

7- I am still saddened by the events in Boston. My heart aches every day for our Country and for the World. I don't see anyway to help or prevent these things.
So I did what I always do. I hug my family and remind them that I love them. I say a prayer for the people affected to find comfort.Then I find something good in the day. Maybe 10 things good. It can be simple things- people being kind, going out of their way to encourage or whatever it is. Small, simple goodness. Then I remember that, I hold that feeling in my heart and that is the only thing that brings me comfort.
If I dwell on it I lose hope. I get depressed and I can't function.
I don't watch the news for that very reason. My heart is too soft and I am afraid that the ugly of the World will break me and I will never be able to put it back together.

8-  So these are the little things!

9- I think I really have this weight loss thing under control. I'm going to "hardcore" these last 30 pounds to the park... then go from there. 

10-  My hands (among other things) are sore from my weight lifting this week. My hands are building callouses... I'm trying to convince myself that men will love it:) 

I'm converted

To CrossFit.

I am not saying it is the be all and end all of exercise.

I firmly believe that each person has to find their fit.

Some swim (which I do not like.)
Some use the elptical (which I don't really like either.)

Some of us run, which I truly enjoy but I don't want to do every day.
Some of us bike... which is one of my FAVORITE, but in the forzen land I live in it is really only possible a few months of the year.

I've been know to Zumb@ and shake my butt like it is on fire.

From the first time I tried CrossFit, I knew it was the kind of punishment for me.

Reason #1- I am totally into a group of people that are cheering you on, not letting you quit.

Reason #2- I love that it is always different.

Reason #3- I love the trainers and how they always help me to be more than I thought I could be.

This is the big reason........


I haven't ran since November after my Ragnar... I just kinda got tired of it. Bored.

So in January I started Crossfit. And the journey began.

So THE BIG REASON. Reason number 4.

I ran tonight. I ran 2.6 miles (5 mph and 5.5 mph) without stopping and felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. I think Laura Bell would say "amazing balls."

So I can train for running without running every day? I am in.

Sold.

What does losing weight cost you?

In dollars. What does it cost you?

Remember those days when I thought "I just can't afford that?"

I do. 

Know what occured to me today?

I spend 325 dollars a month on being healthy. That does not includ food or new running shoes or new workout clothes.... none of that.

THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS!  

I am not freaking kidding you. 

1. 200 dollars for my loan payment that I got for my self pay Lap Band surgery. 

2. 100 dollars a month for my CrossFit membership.

3. 25 dollars a month for a membership to my local rec center. 

Then if I get a lap band adjustment, that is out of pocket, $65. 

I can't justify spending that money, then shoving crap food in my mouth.  

Get up and get moving Lorie, this is the time. 

Artificial Will Power

Confession time!

I spent January, February and March of this year convinced my band didn’t work.

For serious.

I thought I had just somehow convinced myself to diet for 18 months and the band had never done anything for me.

No joke.

My weight had gone up.

I couldn’t get full.

My cravings were out of control.

I thought “this thing doesn’t work.” “It has never worked.”

 thought “Lorie, you have no willpower, none.”

I was trying to eat the same foods/portions as always.

I was exercising.

I was failing.

At 186, 24 pounds up from my lowest (162), I started researching different diets.

Diets that had never worked for me before and in the back of my mind, I knew they wouldn’t work again.

Desperate to get to my goal weight and fraught with worry that I would wake up at 277+ as a failure.

Finally, Monday April 8^th I went to see Amy for a fill.

She is always so nice and so supportive.

I wanted her to yell at me. Give me a serious do better talk. Tell me to get off my butt and not make excuses. I wanted her to tell me that it was my fault, that I wouldn’t be successful. Self destruct much?  

I think I wanted to give up because what I was doing just wasn't working.

She didn’t do that. She added .3, told me to come back if I thought I needed more. Told me I knew what I was doing and that I am her model “lap bander.”

She told me I could succeed…

So I left hopeful.

You know what? Those first 15 months my band was working because it is working now.

How do I know?

1.       I can eat 1 cup of food and be full for up to 4 hours.

2.       My food choices are not limited because I am NOT too tight.

3.       I am not hungry between meals and BECAUSE of that it is easier to not snack and to pass by foods I know I shouldn’t eat.

My band doesn’t do all of the work, but it does 20% of it.

The 20% that I can’t do on my own.

20% of added, artificial Will Power!

Game on. 

Just one day

How long can I do this? I've been asking myself that a lot lately. With the little battle I have been having with scale, I have been frustrated and just want to take a year long break a little break...

I'm not going to.

I have started asking myself this question...

Can I do it for one more day?

The answer is yes.

Yes



Also, isn't it funny that some of us I hate to go see my doctor after a little weight gain for an adjustement or even a pep talk? Hello Lorie! You had WLS. Use it.

Somthin' be buggin' me

So something has been bugging me lately.

First, I am never one to look for excuses as to why I gain weight. I know that sometimes my eating gets derailed, or I take a little hiatus from exercise. I just nod to myself, fix it and move on.

The thing is, in the last 3 months I just haven't been able to stop some of the weight gain. I went from 168 (ish) in November to 185 (ish) this month.

Now Novermber and December I didn't get as much exercise in as I should- though November is when I ran Ragnar, so that might not even be true.

In January I started Crossfit- YEE-YEE

I have been going 3-5 times a week since I started. It has started to become Spring and I just move more when I can get outside.

Anyway, I just haven't been able to figure out why my weight jumped so quickly and then just got sticky and stayed, no matter what.

I blamed some of it on holidays and all of that. Then the Winter blues. This Winter just seemed to last for FREAKING EVER.

So I got to thinking. Right before I started my weightloss journey I had a sudden 25 pound weight gain that just pushed me over the edge.
*I didn't think about why because I knew that I had always had terrible eating and exercise habits and I just figured it was the next jump to buying a bigger size of pants.* Just a typical life as a chubby girl, you know?

That doesn't explain this one though, does it? Well here is the deal. I have been on BC since I was about 16 because my periods just get out of control and the cramps make me miserable.

After I decided to have surgery I decided that I wasn't going to add those chemicals into my body anymore and that I would just suffer through whatever came my way with the period business.

It actaully worked out well, until in October of last year the period from hell hit, and I decided to go back on Nuv@ Ring.

Sudden weight gain anyone?

The same BC that I had switched too just a few months before the 25 pound gain almost 2 years ago  that pushed me to have WLS.

It just didn't make me feel right, really lethargic and bloated. So I stopped taking it again (about 1 month ago.)

So I am hopping that, that combined with my renewed effort to stay away from sugar and my .3 fill I got today will get me going again!

The Yellow Rhino Pledge

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, I've been thinkin' on it for a day or two now.

I had weight loss surgery.

Same surgery as a lot of my blogger friends.

The Lap Band.

You see, the secret is, that is kinda where the similarities end (other than the fact that we are all a group of badasses, fo real.)

I can make myself crazy compairing the following:

1- numbers
2- exercise programs
3- rate of weight loss
4- Pant/shirt size

Oh man, the list goes on and on.

The fact is all of our journeys with the same tool are different, because we are all different.

Some struggle with drinking their calories (alcohol and other sugary drinks), not enough protien, not enough exercise, some count carbs and protein and calories, some count just calories and protein, some just don't count... oh man, this list could go on and on.

"I'm the same hieght as her and she is 10 pounds lighter"
"She is only 5 months out and has lost 90 pounds."
"She never seems to have a cheat day and binge on the Easter candy."

Now, I love everything blogging has to offer- especially the wonderful community and support I get from you all, it is ME that does the compairing. I know we all have our struggles and our own battles to fight.

I will continue to lose weight. I will always be someone who works out (mentally I just need it and I really like how my body feels.) I will continue to be a better me.

I love my band and I am never giving up the fight against food. One day I won't have to tell myself "I just don't eat like that anymore." I will just know, but until then I will wake up everyday swinging, ready to be victorious.

I am not longer the girl that is looking for the next "fad" diet. I know the secret, and so do you all. Eat your food, don't let it eat you and get moving.

I am pledging to not compair journeys. I will call it the "Yellow Rhino Pledge."

TTT

1. This is what my Spring Break looked like...

It was fantastic. Good bye winter blues!

2. This is the newest addition to my family- meet Ellie Pmae (the p is silent, like in pneumonia) Freebush.  Gracie Lou and her are the best of friends already.



3. There has been some of this in my life... needs. to. stop.

I have been hungry all the freaking time. I am going to see my favorite Amy on Monday for a little fill. :) The band is about being proactive! If I hadn't needed help loosing weight, I wouldn't of needed a medical device in the first place. I am hoping she gives me a harsh do better talk...

4. This is me at work on Wednesday! I had my niece take the picture because I looked so dashing. My new favorite shirt. 

5. My workout Wednesday face! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE CrossFit! The workouts are great, and the community is even better. 

6. My arms and shoulders are becoming very toned... I may post a picture of that soon.

7. I am going to read the book LBG is giving away as soon as I can figure out how to get the damn thing to download from Amaz@n to my iPad- "first world problems." 

8. I just binged on Cadbury eggs... I am not proud of this, but I am owning it and moving on. To my shame, it is following some oreos from earlier today. :( Ugh. So glad that they are off the shelves. 

9.  Have I mentioned that I love Spring? I do. It seems to be very short lived around here, but it is beautiful 60 degree weather. And there has been rain. Happy dance.

10. I think there should be more hours in the day for me to do all of the things that I want to do... There should be someone I can write to about this. 

-Weigh in-

I'm going to start weighing in Mondays. Which I know today is actually a Tuesday... but you know, yesterday was still Spring Break and I was busy chasing cows and what-what.

The reasoning? During the week my weight is all over the place because of the weight lifting I'm doing at crossfit and it seesm to even out on Monday after my rest day on Sunday. So there you go.

Monday's weight- 181.

Still in the 180's. I'm ok with that, but will be excited when I break back into the 170's.

At CrossFit tonight my sister-in-law said my arm muscles were impressive, made me feel awesome!

Also, locked out a 95 pound thruster- twice! Booo-yah! Don't know what a thruster is? Follow this link.

Sugar free today! /pats self on back\