Adventures with the LB

So, this is the week that I kick a major NSV out of the park!

I'm going paragliding! Yepper, that 240 advertised weight limit doesn't mean shiz to this girl!

If I don't make it back alive, know that I went out at my lowest weight in... well, as long as I can remember (and seriously, who doesn't want that on their headstone?) I also feel athletic and basically full of AWESOMENESS! If I live, I'll post!

Garbage disposal

Oh man, every once in a while I forget that my mouth is not attached to a garbage disposal. It hit me last night as I ate Taco Bell at 10:30 then headed on out for some ice cream as well.

I gotta do something. Weight is up to 168 this morning. YIKES!

Good news? I'm finally on track for real. Only water today, good food. Going for a run.

I feel more "squishy" than I did 6 pounds ago? Maybe I'm just being paranoid. I also had one of those "fat dreams" last night. You know what I'm talking about:)

Good news ladies, I'm not a quitter and I'm going to keep on keeping on.

More Dragon Warrior, less Garbage Disposal. Check and check!

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” 
― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

Waiting to pee

I'm going to tell you all a story.

Sunday morning I woke up just like I prefer my Sunday's no alarm and a text message. Laying there texting, not in a hurry to go anywhere. This never happens to me, except on Sundays.
 (*Texting in bed can be expensive. I ended up washing my bedding, and my cell phone as well, but that is another story.)
Well, I went to church with that "I could pee thought" but nothing serious. Church gets over at 4. As I left church I thought "I kinda need to go pee" but I just didn't.  I go home and get "the girls" (which is what I call my dogs.) Went to my parents house for a bit. Then a group of my friends and I got together and had dinner. When I left my parents house at 5:45 I thought "I need to go to the bathroom" but I just didn't. When I got to my friends house I still needed to go to the bathroom but didn't because... well I just didn't. The group of us then traveled to another friends house for a farwell "root beer float" shindig. When I got there I really needed to potty. So I finally asked. Well someone was in the bathroom. So I just held it (not literally, but we are getting to that point.) Anyway, left there with two friends. One of which just bought an Audi (yeah, he isn't a teacher.. :) So we of course had to go for a drive. Amber (my roommate) and I proceeded to give him pointers on this new car adventure. Very funny. By this time it is after 8 (this is the "literally holding it" part) and I am really starting to get uncomfortable, once again I just ignore it, make excuses and keep going.

BY THE TIME I GET BACK IN MY CAR AND DRIVE TOWARDS MY HOUSE AT 9 ish I AM IN A BAD WAY.

When I finally get to the potty it hurts, but it feels so good!

Now, this pee cycle is a comparison to the cycle I have been in with eating right and exercise the last month. Why do I wait so long, make excuses and stay off track for so long when I know it is going to hurt but FEEL SO GOOD?

I can't be the only one that needs a detox day. Tomorrow it is TONS of water and protein first. That is what I call a detox.

This is where I was last year just for a little perspective.

The summers are not good for me (It happens every summer, read here.) I need a routine and welcome the "organized" chaos that is my classroom! There are some fun adventures and NSV's coming up before summer is over though, so stay tuned.

My sister and I! Aren't we adorable?

Taking up space

I have spent years making sure I didn't take up more than my share of the space in the world. I didn't do a very good job at it. Lets face it at 277 pounds, I did take up too much space. It didn't matter where I was, I was too big. Which in turn took up too much of my energy trying to fade into the curtains. Trying to stay out of the way. The thing is, I don't think I realized how many coping mechanisms I had adopted to keep 'Fat Lorie' from being in the way.

I hated walking behind peoples chairs.

I hated cramming 3 people in the front of the truck.

I hated pictures.

I hated sitting next to someone on the couch.

I REALLY hated movie theatre seats (I had no idea, until I had lost weight.) 

I hated being TOO FREAKING BIG for the world. 

For the first time, I just feel regular. 

If I need someone to scoot their chair forward, it is because they are sitting to far back.

I don't try to blend in with the curtains.

I don't try to squish into the farthest corner I can find. 

I think, maybe, just maybe, I am becoming comfortable JUST BEING ME. Now, I just have to figure out. Who is Lorie when she isn't hiding? I'm learning that there are things in this World that I thought I wanted to do, but didn't do because I was to DANG FAT. I'm finding that the truth is, even at 165ish pounds, I don't want to do them. It is FREEING.

And I got a little bit out of my band... this is one happy banded lady! :) 

What to do...

I guess, the truth is, I'm in a really bad spot in my weightloss journey.
I'm abusing my band.
I'm abusing my health.
I'm abusing all the goals I have for myself.

I'm too tight. I need an unfill. I've probably needed one for a month.
Every solid thing I eat hurts... a lot. How does a person go a month without getting an unfill when food hurts? Simple. I don't really care about food. This seems to come and go for me, but the truth is (right now), I don't care about eating. This may be because of the fact that solid food hurts? All I know is that something has got to change. I can't keep eating "slider" foods when I do eat. I also don't think that "fruit punch" covers any of the necessary food groups that I should be eating.

By abusing my band, I'm making myself miserable. The band has always been enjoyable to me, I've always appreciated what it does for me.
Because of the way I have been eating, or not eating, my exercise is slacking. I JUST DON'T FEEL GOOD.
Not feeling good affects the goals I have for myself!

Steps:

1. Unfill so I can eat some solid protien. ( I have this scheduled for Monday @2)
2. ONLY DRINK WATER!
3. Cardio 4 days a week.

Simple.

I just need to make a few little changes. This weight loss business isn't for sissy's!

Ten Things Thursday

1. I ran 8 miles last night.
2. My legs hurt really, really bad.
3. My head is finally clear. Running is good for the mind and body.
4. I spent the 4th of July with my family, ended with watching the local fireworks display! Good times!
5. We are in serious need of rain around here!
6. I'm not the best blogger in the summer... Why?
7. I also have a hard time staying away from the sugary drinks when it gets hot out. Why? (What the heck is even in Fruit Punch?)
8. I'm moving cows with one of my favorite men today! There are so few "real" cowboys and just great men left. At least that is the point of view I'm taking today.
9. Did I mention I ran 8 miles? I DID!
10. My weight is holding steady between 164-166.

Happy Thursday ladies!!

Partying after the shot

Did you read my friend Vanessa's blog post titled: Partying after the shot? You should.
Since I read this blog post, I have been thinking about it and cussing that Banded Warrior girl because sometimes I like not knowing things about myself.

The things I have realized:
1. After each 10 pound loss (I get caught up  I lose focus for a while. Sometimes a day or two. Sometimes longer.
2. I get comfortable, cocky, and that leads to either a gain or an EPIC stall on that crazy scale! She can be such a beast.
3. Then I get back to the basics and go a little OCD and lose the next 10 pounds.
4. Then this crazy stupid cycle starts again.

So, since my -110 pound mark on 6/14/12 ish... I've lost 2 pounds. I've decided to get crazy again and lose the next 8 pounds.

It is Summer and I seem to have adopted the motto "I'll sleep when I'm dead." And evidently I think that means I'll eat well too. I'm refocusing and I'm going to do better. No more crazy cow moving food (aka Chocolate and Gatorade.)

For today ladies!

Clap for me, I went to the gym.

There was a post on Facebook a couple of days ago... and it has bothered me ever since I read it. It is this silly picture a few people have decided to share: 

Wanna know why it bothers me? Because I don't CARE where you get your motivation, or WHO helps to reinforce the behavior of working out. I just care that it happens. And it ticks me off that people decide to post things like this. I don't always post about if I did or didn't go to the gym, or go running, or whatever! I do know that sometimes I need my friends to help motivate me. 

I know that all people do things that are reinforcing, and lets face it, the gym (or exercise in and of itself) isn't always a ball of STINKING joy. If you need or want someone to say "good work" or something equal, then who cares if you post it on Facebook?  

Seriously, there are WAY more obnoxious things that happen. Like the girl who posts things like this picture, but then turns around and blabs about what a loser her husband is, or that picture of her cleavage and duck face pose while she is trying to keep her arm out of the picture she is taking of herself. 

OK... I am done. 

Seriously though, where do you find your motivation to do a 'structured workout routine?'