WIW

Start weight: 277

Last week: 178
This week: 176.8

Loss: 1.2 pounds

Total loss of: 100.2

I am getting back into the groove...

Baby steps. Baby Steps.

**Update** Crossfit-

As my friend wrote yesterday-

"I dread the self inflicted torture."

I am going to Crossfit tonight for the first time in about 3 months.

If I don't die, I will be posting again here tomorrow for a Wednesday weigh in!

I have a bajillion excuses already, but I am going to hold myself to it.


I went.

It sucked.

I didn't die.

No one pointed, laughed or told me to go home. 

Crossfit is about family and they are all so supportive. 

Just don't take two months off... it hurts. 

This post won't write itself...

Have you read my freind Vanessa's post?

She laid it out there.

Exactly what I have wanted to write.

I haven't been blogging.

I told myself that it was because I have been busy with the end of Summer.

Busy with school starting.

Busy with Texas :)

All of those things are true, but I have always been busy.

Mostly, the truth is, I weigh same right now as I did 6, 12, 18 months ago.

It is boring.

But I am also not at goal.

So that leaves me in the same place I have been in.

And frankly I bet you all are as sick of my "start again" posts as I am of writing them.

The conclusion I have come to? I just can't give up.

So here it is, I am weighing in at 178 (who woulda guessed it?)

And I am still plugging along.

I will blog more. I will try and stay more accountable. I will keep pushing until I get to goal and beyond.

WIW

178 again this week.

Nothing too sad about maintaining... except I'd like to get on down to the 160's :)

Anywho...

Guess what happens to me occiasionally?

I still think I weigh 277 pounds.

I still feel like I take up more space in the World than I should.

This is a battle for me.

Why is there/was there ever shame attached to what I weighed/weigh?

Why do I think other people care?

How can I wear a pair of size 12 jeans and a medium shirt and still be uncomfortable in my own skin?

This brain of mine, I am telling you, it is broken some days.

:)

The next big thing...

Seems like I am always hoping something will motivate me to drop the last 25/30 pounds...

I've been hoping for it for over a year now.

Searching for it.

Trying to find it, read about it, write about it.

Hoping something would come out of the wood work and kick me in the ass.

It isn't happening.

You wanna know why?

This entire journey is about choices.

About willpower.

Your very own. My very own.

If I want to lose instead of maintain, I have to do it.

There is no secret.

I can't buy it.

I can buy help. Hello- self pay lap-band, dropping 100 pounds, crossfit, zumba, races, roadbike. Those are all things I paid for. But, I have to use them.

The JM 30 day shred I bought and is still in the wrapper?

Not helping.

Crossfit membership I haven't used in 2 months?

Not making me leaner.

I am a warrior and I will use my own willpower and maybe even kick myself in the butt.

Starting today, again.

It isn't about not failing, it is about not quitting.

Weigh in Wednesday

178.0 This morning.

When did I weigh in last?

I have no idea.

I am staying in the 170's for the rest of my life I guess...

Who know.

I guess at least I'm not going up.

I am back to work- not full time, but basically. So I will be a better blogger.

A post about surprises..

Sorry for lack of pictures. For some reason I took zero pictures with my phone and can't seem to end up with my computer/camera/ and wifi at the same time.

#firstworldproblems.

Surprise #1

So I went on vacation to South Dakota!

We had such a great time staying in a KOA and seeing all the sites there are to see around Mount Rushmore area.

The thing is, none of my siblings were able to go.

BUMMER

I put on a good front about being an "only child for a week" and all that stuff.

Don't get me wrong, they are a good time.

And we were one of 8 campers in our group.

All "family" in one way or anther. Like 2nd cousins and stuff like that!

Anyway, we were having fun.

Texas couldn't come with us on Saturday because of work (and he really needed to be in his own car so that if something came up with work he could leave), so he talked about maybe coming up Tuesday or Wednesday.

Well on Monday morning we were going to get on a train to see the sights and while we are waiting in line, who shows up? Texas.

BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.

No joke.

I guess he conspired with my Mom so he would know where we were at and what our plan was.

Then drove all night Sunday night and got there just in time to sit by me on the train and hold my hand.

It was awesome. He got to stay the remainder of the week and we had such a good time.

Except when we were practicing our softball skills and he gave me a goose egg... I can't believe I don't have a picture of that.

Surprise #2- I didn't gain any weight on vacay.