Friday, April 8, 2011

weight... holding me down....

He called to say thanks for the basket. Said he would like to return it if, I wouldn’t be offended… I said I would be. Said that it wasn’t necessary and that he had felt bad that he had gotten so mad. (I think, that he thinks, that that is why I brought him the basket, because he was mad, which I know isn’t the truth.) Oh, and if that is him getting mad, I’d be embarrassed to lose my temper in front of him. He said that he hadn’t done anything “extra” and I don’t agree with that… he was at my house twice; we called him in the middle of the night (2 am). He was awesome… He said that the treats were “much enjoyed.” He said that he now owes me; I said, “Yeah, you do! I look forward to it!” Then he asked about the dog and puppies, and then it was over. Why, oh why, can’t I have more? I just want to date someone who loves me for me, care for someone who cares for me. Not be obsessed, just a good “old-fashioned” romance where two people are in it for the long haul, for the ups and downs, the I hate you’s and the I love you’s… I want it all, but not that much. I know that there will be ups and downs, times one or both of us want to leave. I just want someone who wants to work hard and at the end of the day, after a lot of HARD work (both of us) just to spend the simple time together; on the couch, on a horse, watching the news… I’m not looking for a fairy tale, just someone to work hard with.
My perfect match:
1. Works hard
2. Kind
3. Compassionate
4. Grateful for life’s’ simple pleasures
5. Loves kids… even ones with a disabilities.
6. Brings out the good in me. Loves me when the good side isn’t showing.
I’m a good person, I love people, I’m compassionate, I’m willing to work hard, I’m funny.
I’m not asking for the moon, I’m just asking for “him” you know, the person that will be “it” for me. I can see him in my mind… I’m not always sure what he looks like, but I know exactly how he will treat me. It won’t be the big things, it never is. It’ll always be the small things “a call to say thanks” a “how was your day” “listening, even when he really doesn’t care” “he will show compassion for my students” “He will think my students are funny.” My students will tell me if he is “The One,” they can spot a fake from a room away. He will know, without having to be told, that the way to my heart will be through my students. He’ll know that the best way to propose will be using my students. I cannot imagine anything better! I know that some day, this will happen for me; some day I will find him. I’ve been praying to find him for 8 years now. I wonder if I offend God by having the same conversation so frequently? Oh where, oh where, is he?

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