Today, while sitting in a sacrament meeting, in a beautiful green dress awesome shoes and a smile. I thought about how much I hate myself. Usually I wouldn't use the term "hate" but today I think that hate is truly the applicable term. I tried on 5 skirts/dresses that didn't fit right... i'm miserable, i'm huge. While I listened to the speakers contemplating 'life' I knew that I had to make a drastic change.
I've decided to have Lap-Band weight loss surgery. I don't just want a change for today, or for this year, I want a change for the rest of my life and I'm going to have it. I know that I have to do something this drastic to have permanent, healthy weight loss. I know I can't live with myself this way any longer, I NEED A CHANGE!
I don't have the money so i'm going to finance it. I know that debt is bad, that I shouldn't go into in unnecessarily... but I guess when it comes down to it, I don't find it frivolous, i'm going to get my life back while there is still some life to live.
I'm calling the doctor tomorrow.