Update

I got approved for the loan. 200 dollars a month for 4 years... I'm going to make it work:) I WANT this.
To hell with obesity.

Either get busy living or....

Today, while sitting in a sacrament meeting, in a beautiful green dress awesome shoes and a smile. I thought about how much I hate myself. Usually I wouldn't use the term "hate" but today I think that hate is truly the applicable term. I tried on 5 skirts/dresses that didn't fit right... i'm miserable, i'm huge. While I listened to the speakers contemplating 'life' I knew that I had to make a drastic change.
I've decided to have Lap-Band weight loss surgery. I don't just want a change for today, or for this year, I want a change for the rest of my life and I'm going to have it. I know that I have to do something this drastic to have permanent, healthy weight loss. I know I can't live with myself this way any longer, I NEED A CHANGE!
I don't have the money so i'm going to finance it. I know that debt is bad, that I shouldn't go into in unnecessarily... but I guess when it comes down to it, I don't find it frivolous, i'm going to get my life back while there is still some life to live.
I'm calling the doctor tomorrow.

blah blah blah

Not a good day, in fact, a bad day.

Enough said.

Scale said "Error"

I hit this week running strong (after a slightly off course weekend). Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (morning) I was the bomb. Meeting my first 5 pound weight loss goal... something happened Wednesday after school, it all started with the Wendy's drive through, then ended at Maverick having soft serve ice cream, what the heck? Wednesday I didn't even look twice at the treadmill, not good! Thursday, I ate school lunch, which I swore I wasn't going to do, then I ate out again for dinner, I'm at work, again, which I know isn't and excuse. I did get on the death machine today though, and it was awful! .. So I'm afraid to weigh in! Scale will probably read "Err"

Just let me grab my gym bag!

3/1/11
I’m doing great. The weekend was hard and I didn’t eat the way I wish I would have. TOO many carbs; but I still exercised Saturday, then Monday and Tuesday. So I feel pretty good. Today was the first time I was able to go the entire 30 minutes. Walk 15, jog 15… I’m not sure how many calories that burned, but I felt good! I’m back at work now, trying to find the motivation to get some things done that are in need of attention.
I’ve also decided to start calorie counting; I’ve found a couple of websites that help me to find the specific food that I ate, and how many calories I used for it! I can do this!
It is getting easier to find the time? Weird, but it is working… I actually pack my gym “gear.”
Goal: Run three miles without stopping by June? Is this doable? I’m not really sure so, benchmarks: end of March 1mile, end of April 2 miles, end of May 3 miles. I’m not talking a sprint here just a steady 4.0 / 4.5 miles per hour! I think it is doable. I think a 5K by the end of summer would be fun.
I’m finding a sort of attachment to the “feeling of death.”