Don't look at old pictures....

So i'm officially 21 weeks pregnant.

I weigh 212. I've kinda just accepted it.

The one thing it has taught me, is to be much happier with myself when I am in the place again where I weigh 170. I felt good then. I like how my body felt when I moved.

I will be content when I am there. I will stop thinking I'll be happy when I weigh 150.

Bless a little baby for helping me to see the light.

Me when I weighed 175-177 and couldnt wait to get back to 167.  Now I think I look so skinny.

Seriously, this chick is adorable. 

I needed a serious reality check.

So, on to more baby news.

Wanna know the latest that has had me stressed out? Ok, ok, the truth. I have been stressed about it since Greg and I decided to have a baby. 

Telling our babies other Mom that we are expecting. 

I think I should write and entire post about Me and the Other Mom that is in my life. 

I will, the Great, Good, Bad and Ugly. 

A picture of me from a week or two ago. :) Who is this chunky girl in the mirror.  I really don't think I look pregnant, in my eyes I just look chunky. 

Sorry about the goofy face... I do what I can :) 

19 weeks preggo and finally....

Finding my mojo.

Seriously, I had to find my new norm.

What it is like for ME to be pregnant.

You wanna know what? It is the strangest thing ever.

I don't feel like myself. I don't have energy for much of anything. My house is kinda clean, but I am just getting by.

I'll get up and go like heck for a couple of hours and then I just have to take a break.

I'm learning to be kind to myself and to just take a break when I need it.

I am functioning, but it isn't at the level that it has been previously.

I always thought that when I was pregnant if I was lucky enough to escape the dreaded morning sickness, that I would be golden.

You know what? I had a bit of morning sickness but that hasn't been the biggest issue.

I just don't feel right. Like myself.

Even my brain doesn't work right. The biggest issue has been when I am riding a horse and working cattle. I just can't figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing, or how to get out of the way.

I'm not saying I don't know how to saddle the horse, or get on. I just saying that my natural talents and abilities seem to be muted. We were working in the corral the other day and I dang near got ran over because I couldn't read the crazy one horn cow that was going ape-shit crazy.

I'm going to go ahead and admit, I don't like being pregnant.

One thing I finally did for my own sanity was pack up all my clothes that don't fit. An entire tote full and put them away.

The second thing is some real life maternity clothes. IT CHANGED EVERYTHING. At least I don't feel like a frump and like a fatty that nothing fits. I kinda look pregnant and I feel better about myself.

One thing I do know, I can't wait to get back to running and crosffit. I miss being fit and "skinny" just feeling great about myself.

Size 9/10 and 11/12 jeans and a large shirt and become my new norm. Being physically active had become something I just did and enjoyed. I'll get back there because I got a taste of it and I like it.

Right now it just isn't a reality.

This morning 209. It is what it is and I'm going to keep weighing in just to keep myself in check and so that it isn't such a mental shock when I get to "the end."

I'll be posting pictures of the furniture I have painted! It looks great and is all coming together.

Boy or Girl?

Well.... we know the answer. For sure know the answer :)

Baby Meeks will be joining our faminly the begning of November and we are so excited to announce that it is a...


HE!!!! 

So, I am so excited to officially start on the nursery. There are a few reasons why I have been waiting. None of them having to do with only doing "boy" or "girl" colors.

The colors were going to be kinda nuteral no matter what. I just needed to be able to invision who would be in there.

And... The room didn't have carpet until today.

So really, it was mostly the carpet.

So I have a crib that I bought second hand and I purchased my first jar of chalkpaint today. The walls of the room are a very light blue, almost robin egg. The crib will be.... wait for it....

Barcelona Orange. Wanna see a sample? I knew it.

Won't that color be just fantastic?! 

I also have a stand and a dresser that I am going to use a dark gray on, maybe some orange accent pieces. I'll take some pictures. 

Guess What

I'm 18 weeks pregnant.

I just turned 27 yesterday.

I have been banded for 3 years.

Hows that for some news?

Last year at this time I was a crossfitting Bad A and I weighed 174 ish.

Now? I weigh 207.

I am finally seeing myself. I am not huge. I am bigger. I need to be serious when this baby pops out about running and eating well. Get my weight back down.

Lesson learned, I will appreciate 174 when I see it again. I refuse to beat myself up the rest of all time because I want to weigh 150.

I am having my first ultrasound tomorrow and hope to see Baby Meeks boy/girl parts. Can't wait to know what the gender is! I have butterflys and probably won't sleep tonight.

16 weeks pregnant

Where has the time gone?

I had my 16 week check up today and everything looks good. I got to hear the heartbeat again and something different.

It was the pitter patter of little baby Meeks moving around in there. It was seriously amazing and made me realize just how serious of a miracle this is.

I did have to weigh in… I’m telling you my scale said 205 this morning and the doctors read 210.

I cried. Big tears. Squint your eyes and die tears. I just couldn’t believe it.

I know the first problem was that I haven’t been exercising. I just don’t have the “get up and go” when I get home.

Second, I am drinking too many calories.

Third, I need a bit of fluid in my band.

So I had .4 added today. Taking me back to what I was pre-pregnancy.  I had been at that number for some time and felt comfortable there.  It seems to be great today as well.

I have also committed to only drinking water.  That is taking care of two of the three. So that is my baby step for now.

On a better note, I went horse riding on Saturday. I was a little nervous because the last time I rode the muscles in my stomach or SOMETHING made me ache. I felt horrible.

Saturday was a much better experience. I enjoyed the day with my parents and Greg. It was kinda cool for it to just be the 4 of us because that rarely happens.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

THIS IS THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL BEFORE SUMMER VACATION! ONLY 4 MORE DAYS! YAHOOOO!

I'm just sitting over here

Feeling like an elephant.

Maybe a pregnant elephant, but an elephant.

My pants are tight, my skin feels tight.

I don't feel pregnant, I just feel fat.

And I think I am depressed. Or hormonal. Or maybe both?

I know I need to walk/bike something to help me feel better but I just can't seem to make myself do it.

I am at a loss, but not on the scale.

203.8 this morning. Yep. That is a pretty big pill for me to swallow.

Gulp

However many things Tuesday

1. I have always used the same brand of razor as my Dad. First because I don't know why the blades designed for men seem to be so much nicer (in my opinion.) Seriously though, we are shaving way more acreage. The second reason is because my Mom buys the blade replacements in bulk at a chain store... So I have never had to buy a refill. Literally. I haven't lived at home in years and I still stop buy and shop at "Mom Mart." She keeps everything in stock. It is a tradition that I started in college and it was so genius I just never stopped.

2. I am considering a pretty big change in my life so I could use all the positive thoughts I could get so I make the right decision.

3. I love Greg. #1 reason- he is so kind to me.

4. Sometime being a step-mom feels like being a nanny. Or a really good babysitter. The babies are staying with us for their longest time yet (10 days.) I love having them here, but it is a huge adjustment in routine and unlike when they are with their mom, we don't have established day care. So it isn't always a good routine. And lets face it, I'm not their mom and they are little. Sometimes that is all they want.

5. I'm not eating the best food and I haven't been exercising... at all. So there is that.

6. I've been fighting a cold and sore throat for almost 2 weeks now and I am telling you, I miss my OTC meds... and a 5 hour energy shot.

7.  I am 13 weeks. What?! How did this happen? Not so sure. I've been buying a lot of stuff second hand that is like new and women just don't want. I love it. I can have all the extra stuff I want without wondering how I will find the money. So I have been having a hay day- washing- sanitizing and day dreaming.... and also being scared to death. Lets be honest.

A picture from our first couple days playing cowboy.

My sissy... in the pouring rain with her donkey refusing to walk because he was afraid of the puddles. It was so stinking funny.