19 weeks preggo and finally....

Finding my mojo.

Seriously, I had to find my new norm.

What it is like for ME to be pregnant.

You wanna know what? It is the strangest thing ever.

I don't feel like myself. I don't have energy for much of anything. My house is kinda clean, but I am just getting by.

I'll get up and go like heck for a couple of hours and then I just have to take a break.

I'm learning to be kind to myself and to just take a break when I need it.

I am functioning, but it isn't at the level that it has been previously.

I always thought that when I was pregnant if I was lucky enough to escape the dreaded morning sickness, that I would be golden.

You know what? I had a bit of morning sickness but that hasn't been the biggest issue.

I just don't feel right. Like myself.

Even my brain doesn't work right. The biggest issue has been when I am riding a horse and working cattle. I just can't figure out exactly what I am supposed to be doing, or how to get out of the way.

I'm not saying I don't know how to saddle the horse, or get on. I just saying that my natural talents and abilities seem to be muted. We were working in the corral the other day and I dang near got ran over because I couldn't read the crazy one horn cow that was going ape-shit crazy.

I'm going to go ahead and admit, I don't like being pregnant.

One thing I finally did for my own sanity was pack up all my clothes that don't fit. An entire tote full and put them away.

The second thing is some real life maternity clothes. IT CHANGED EVERYTHING. At least I don't feel like a frump and like a fatty that nothing fits. I kinda look pregnant and I feel better about myself.

One thing I do know, I can't wait to get back to running and crosffit. I miss being fit and "skinny" just feeling great about myself.

Size 9/10 and 11/12 jeans and a large shirt and become my new norm. Being physically active had become something I just did and enjoyed. I'll get back there because I got a taste of it and I like it.

Right now it just isn't a reality.

This morning 209. It is what it is and I'm going to keep weighing in just to keep myself in check and so that it isn't such a mental shock when I get to "the end."

I'll be posting pictures of the furniture I have painted! It looks great and is all coming together.

Boy or Girl?

Well.... we know the answer. For sure know the answer :)

Baby Meeks will be joining our faminly the begning of November and we are so excited to announce that it is a...


HE!!!! 

So, I am so excited to officially start on the nursery. There are a few reasons why I have been waiting. None of them having to do with only doing "boy" or "girl" colors.

The colors were going to be kinda nuteral no matter what. I just needed to be able to invision who would be in there.

And... The room didn't have carpet until today.

So really, it was mostly the carpet.

So I have a crib that I bought second hand and I purchased my first jar of chalkpaint today. The walls of the room are a very light blue, almost robin egg. The crib will be.... wait for it....

Barcelona Orange. Wanna see a sample? I knew it.

Won't that color be just fantastic?! 

I also have a stand and a dresser that I am going to use a dark gray on, maybe some orange accent pieces. I'll take some pictures. 

Guess What

I'm 18 weeks pregnant.

I just turned 27 yesterday.

I have been banded for 3 years.

Hows that for some news?

Last year at this time I was a crossfitting Bad A and I weighed 174 ish.

Now? I weigh 207.

I am finally seeing myself. I am not huge. I am bigger. I need to be serious when this baby pops out about running and eating well. Get my weight back down.

Lesson learned, I will appreciate 174 when I see it again. I refuse to beat myself up the rest of all time because I want to weigh 150.

I am having my first ultrasound tomorrow and hope to see Baby Meeks boy/girl parts. Can't wait to know what the gender is! I have butterflys and probably won't sleep tonight.

16 weeks pregnant

Where has the time gone?

I had my 16 week check up today and everything looks good. I got to hear the heartbeat again and something different.

It was the pitter patter of little baby Meeks moving around in there. It was seriously amazing and made me realize just how serious of a miracle this is.

I did have to weigh in… I’m telling you my scale said 205 this morning and the doctors read 210.

I cried. Big tears. Squint your eyes and die tears. I just couldn’t believe it.

I know the first problem was that I haven’t been exercising. I just don’t have the “get up and go” when I get home.

Second, I am drinking too many calories.

Third, I need a bit of fluid in my band.

So I had .4 added today. Taking me back to what I was pre-pregnancy.  I had been at that number for some time and felt comfortable there.  It seems to be great today as well.

I have also committed to only drinking water.  That is taking care of two of the three. So that is my baby step for now.

On a better note, I went horse riding on Saturday. I was a little nervous because the last time I rode the muscles in my stomach or SOMETHING made me ache. I felt horrible.

Saturday was a much better experience. I enjoyed the day with my parents and Greg. It was kinda cool for it to just be the 4 of us because that rarely happens.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

THIS IS THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL BEFORE SUMMER VACATION! ONLY 4 MORE DAYS! YAHOOOO!

How I knew I was pregnant

So remember the TTT post I wrote about maybe just stopping birth control?

Not a joke. Aren't I tricky?!

We did expect it to take a couple of months.... but, you know, tell God your plans.

I sure hope I can do a good job of relaying what being pregnant is like for me and especially with the lap band. Really, I don't have a choice though... I have a lap band. How will I know how pregnancy would differ if I didn't. This is my life.

Cool thing (CT) #1- my Lap Band Lady *Amy* also does OB, except the delivery. And the doctor that does the deliveries for her is the guy that delivered most of my nieces and nephews, so it was an easy pick for me.

How cool is that? Someone who is familiar with my band and going to be there through pregnancy? I am stoked.

CT #2- my band doesn't like pregnancy hormones. So I had some fluid removed, .2. I knew then that I was pregnant, because I pay very close attention to what is affecting my band so I can plan for it as best as possible (i.e. weather, stress, etc.) None of those things were out of the ordinary.
And, my chin looked like a 12 year old boys... also not normal.

Do you think the band has taught us to really pay attention to our bodies? I know mine has made  me more aware.

CT #3- as the hormones increased... my band got tight again. No water, no good. So back to see LBL Amy. She really is too good for me. By this point I had confirmed pregnancy with an at home test. So I scheduled my first OB appt with her as well. *Happy Dance.*

We removed a full CC. I was afraid.

I go back at 8 weeks... Which I assume will be before I post this.

Not So CT #1- switching mindsets from calorie deficit, or lose weight mind set to just be healthy. Sometimes when my band would get tight I would live on apple juice and some protein shake for a few days and never think twice about it. This little baby growing inside me has me in a bit of a different mindset. I do kinda feel lost.

Not So CT #2- it has kind of turned me off of crossfit for the time being. Now my doctor said that CF was fine while pregnant, just to listen to my body and to take it easy with the weights especially.

But guess what?
The only thing I am really good at with CF is lifting heavy shit. The rest of it I am pretty terrible at, but I can lift and lift heavy so I go and do the rest so I can lift.

So It is like taking the one thing I am good at away.
My mental block on this is terrible.

Not So CT #3- I feel lost with my diet because I can't be so restrictive... This is weird to me. When did "being good" turn into something so strange?

Not SO CT #4- lap band truth *constipation.* Pregnancy truth *constipation.* Not good ladies. Not good.

Lap band pregnancy fact- I didn't immediately have a complete unfill. Which I never thought I would, but then a banded friend of mine asked about it. So there you go. For me, no complete unfill. Just a band that has less restriction than it has had in at least a year. It is weird.

I am so happy/excited/grateful to be pregnant, don't ever think I don't know what a blessing this is, but I am full of constant worry that I will 7 months from now, be back to where I was pre-band. That keeps me up at night.

This will be a learning process that I hope all of you will come along for.

Can we clear something up?

No matter what I write on this blog, or what I complain about as far as pregnancy goes, I know this is a miracle. Who grows a human? It is basically a super power. That doesn't mean that I won't be scared shitless nervous, have a few complaints, or a few selfish worries... like weight gain. It is hard to lose weight.

That being said...

I am terrified.

Of being a full time mom and all that business.

I am also terrified of being back where I was weight wise before I had my lapband. It seems like with just the smidgen of an unfil that I had, I am able to eat way too much and I put on about 10 pounds in what felt like overnight.

It is easy to perdict this will be a learning curve.

I got some of the fluid put back in and I seem to be maintaining at this point ** Thank heaven.**

Seriously though, my weight is flirting with starting with a 2 again. Making me terrified of what damage I can do in the next 30 weeks.

Number one, I am used to being active. Moving, even if it isn't formal exercise. I knew before the test would pick up that I was pregnant because my energy had just left me. When I get done working, I want to go home and sit. That is all.

That eased up a bit around week 6 and if today is the new norm, I will be feeling good enough to get back to some of my regular activities.

Oh no, I am going to be one of those ladies who blog all about her pregnancy symptoms. :)
Get some greek yogurt and pull up a chair. This is going to be a great time! hahaha