16 weeks pregnant

Where has the time gone?

I had my 16 week check up today and everything looks good. I got to hear the heartbeat again and something different.

It was the pitter patter of little baby Meeks moving around in there. It was seriously amazing and made me realize just how serious of a miracle this is.

I did have to weigh in… I’m telling you my scale said 205 this morning and the doctors read 210.

I cried. Big tears. Squint your eyes and die tears. I just couldn’t believe it.

I know the first problem was that I haven’t been exercising. I just don’t have the “get up and go” when I get home.

Second, I am drinking too many calories.

Third, I need a bit of fluid in my band.

So I had .4 added today. Taking me back to what I was pre-pregnancy.  I had been at that number for some time and felt comfortable there.  It seems to be great today as well.

I have also committed to only drinking water.  That is taking care of two of the three. So that is my baby step for now.

On a better note, I went horse riding on Saturday. I was a little nervous because the last time I rode the muscles in my stomach or SOMETHING made me ache. I felt horrible.

Saturday was a much better experience. I enjoyed the day with my parents and Greg. It was kinda cool for it to just be the 4 of us because that rarely happens.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

THIS IS THE LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL BEFORE SUMMER VACATION! ONLY 4 MORE DAYS! YAHOOOO!

I'm just sitting over here

Feeling like an elephant.

Maybe a pregnant elephant, but an elephant.

My pants are tight, my skin feels tight.

I don't feel pregnant, I just feel fat.

And I think I am depressed. Or hormonal. Or maybe both?

I know I need to walk/bike something to help me feel better but I just can't seem to make myself do it.

I am at a loss, but not on the scale.

203.8 this morning. Yep. That is a pretty big pill for me to swallow.

Gulp

However many things Tuesday

1. I have always used the same brand of razor as my Dad. First because I don't know why the blades designed for men seem to be so much nicer (in my opinion.) Seriously though, we are shaving way more acreage. The second reason is because my Mom buys the blade replacements in bulk at a chain store... So I have never had to buy a refill. Literally. I haven't lived at home in years and I still stop buy and shop at "Mom Mart." She keeps everything in stock. It is a tradition that I started in college and it was so genius I just never stopped.

2. I am considering a pretty big change in my life so I could use all the positive thoughts I could get so I make the right decision.

3. I love Greg. #1 reason- he is so kind to me.

4. Sometime being a step-mom feels like being a nanny. Or a really good babysitter. The babies are staying with us for their longest time yet (10 days.) I love having them here, but it is a huge adjustment in routine and unlike when they are with their mom, we don't have established day care. So it isn't always a good routine. And lets face it, I'm not their mom and they are little. Sometimes that is all they want.

5. I'm not eating the best food and I haven't been exercising... at all. So there is that.

6. I've been fighting a cold and sore throat for almost 2 weeks now and I am telling you, I miss my OTC meds... and a 5 hour energy shot.

7.  I am 13 weeks. What?! How did this happen? Not so sure. I've been buying a lot of stuff second hand that is like new and women just don't want. I love it. I can have all the extra stuff I want without wondering how I will find the money. So I have been having a hay day- washing- sanitizing and day dreaming.... and also being scared to death. Lets be honest.

A picture from our first couple days playing cowboy.

My sissy... in the pouring rain with her donkey refusing to walk because he was afraid of the puddles. It was so stinking funny.

It is a lot of work being a cowgirl...

I have always and will always believe it is more work being a cowgirl than it is to be a cowboy...

Now I have never been a cowboy, but I am telling you a few things I know for fact.

Fact #1: Cowboys don't have to wear 2 sports bras while riding for 10 hours to keep their nipples from rubbing raw, or to keep their boobs from blacking an eye.
           Cowgirl? This is a reality. Though I try not to complain. Being kickass is just a lot of work.

Fact #2: They never have to figure out how to carry a tampon with them. Now, I have thought of everything. I have put them in a plastic bag in the saddle bags- all that jarring causes them to come out of their applicator (just a reality.) So I have resorted to carrying them gently placed between the two layers of sports bras. It is the best option, trust me. Don't even get me started on the options of "what to do with the damn thing after..." while in the middle of no where.

Fact #3: They don't have to ride a horse while pregnant. Now I am telling you, this is the hardest one yet. It has been YEARS since I got butterfly's while stepping on to a horse, because, I am just a pretty dang good rider and a few little scrapes and bruises never did any harm. Don't get me wrong, I don't like to hit the ground, but it just happens. Well when I am carrying a little bean in my belly... it adds a level of worry to everything I do. It all worked out in the end but I'm telling you, being a cowgirl is hard work.

Though, I have always wondered where men keep their junk to keep it from getting slapped against the seat of the saddle? I've been told that it does occasionally happen, and I think it is just the Universe's way of keeping things a little bit fair.

I gave my husband a saddle I won in 2004 for being a rodeo queen. Yes- it says "rodeo queen" on it and makes me smile.

This is the horse I rode Saturday. His name is Keno- and he isn't my favorite. The things we do for husbands.

This is my sissy and best friend. She was pregnant all last "cow" season and didn't bitch half as much as me.

This is my Baby J. I am crazy in love with him. He love all things farm and isn't afraid of ANY animal.

WIW

 

Weight is holding steady at 199 I’m both impressed and depressed by this.

I gained 10 pounds in the first 8 weeks (which is really only 6 weeks-crazy ass professionals.)

                                ** I found my stash of size 7/8 pants I had hid in the upstairs closet and almost died. When I can wear them again, I will be kinder to myself. More forgiving that my weight is 165 instead of 145.

Since then (almost 4 weeks later) I haven’t gained at all and my clothes seem to fit better? Who knows?

Anyway, I’m trying to be realistic about where I am and my main goal of having a healthy baby, but I sure as heck to don’t want to be back where I started almost 3 years ago either.

I caught myself out of breath at the top of the stairs the other day, I wasn’t very pleased with that and cried just a bit.

Tomorrow is the beginning of spring break in my school district, and even though it is only 4 days (including the weekend) it is sure as heck better than no break.

I will be horse riding and laying cowgirl and branding a few calves... this is the life.

I'll bring back some pictures. :) Hopefully!

How I knew I was pregnant

So remember the TTT post I wrote about maybe just stopping birth control?

Not a joke. Aren't I tricky?!

We did expect it to take a couple of months.... but, you know, tell God your plans.

I sure hope I can do a good job of relaying what being pregnant is like for me and especially with the lap band. Really, I don't have a choice though... I have a lap band. How will I know how pregnancy would differ if I didn't. This is my life.

Cool thing (CT) #1- my Lap Band Lady *Amy* also does OB, except the delivery. And the doctor that does the deliveries for her is the guy that delivered most of my nieces and nephews, so it was an easy pick for me.

How cool is that? Someone who is familiar with my band and going to be there through pregnancy? I am stoked.

CT #2- my band doesn't like pregnancy hormones. So I had some fluid removed, .2. I knew then that I was pregnant, because I pay very close attention to what is affecting my band so I can plan for it as best as possible (i.e. weather, stress, etc.) None of those things were out of the ordinary.
And, my chin looked like a 12 year old boys... also not normal.

Do you think the band has taught us to really pay attention to our bodies? I know mine has made  me more aware.

CT #3- as the hormones increased... my band got tight again. No water, no good. So back to see LBL Amy. She really is too good for me. By this point I had confirmed pregnancy with an at home test. So I scheduled my first OB appt with her as well. *Happy Dance.*

We removed a full CC. I was afraid.

I go back at 8 weeks... Which I assume will be before I post this.

Not So CT #1- switching mindsets from calorie deficit, or lose weight mind set to just be healthy. Sometimes when my band would get tight I would live on apple juice and some protein shake for a few days and never think twice about it. This little baby growing inside me has me in a bit of a different mindset. I do kinda feel lost.

Not So CT #2- it has kind of turned me off of crossfit for the time being. Now my doctor said that CF was fine while pregnant, just to listen to my body and to take it easy with the weights especially.

But guess what?
The only thing I am really good at with CF is lifting heavy shit. The rest of it I am pretty terrible at, but I can lift and lift heavy so I go and do the rest so I can lift.

So It is like taking the one thing I am good at away.
My mental block on this is terrible.

Not So CT #3- I feel lost with my diet because I can't be so restrictive... This is weird to me. When did "being good" turn into something so strange?

Not SO CT #4- lap band truth *constipation.* Pregnancy truth *constipation.* Not good ladies. Not good.

Lap band pregnancy fact- I didn't immediately have a complete unfill. Which I never thought I would, but then a banded friend of mine asked about it. So there you go. For me, no complete unfill. Just a band that has less restriction than it has had in at least a year. It is weird.

I am so happy/excited/grateful to be pregnant, don't ever think I don't know what a blessing this is, but I am full of constant worry that I will 7 months from now, be back to where I was pre-band. That keeps me up at night.

This will be a learning process that I hope all of you will come along for.

Can we clear something up?

No matter what I write on this blog, or what I complain about as far as pregnancy goes, I know this is a miracle. Who grows a human? It is basically a super power. That doesn't mean that I won't be scared shitless nervous, have a few complaints, or a few selfish worries... like weight gain. It is hard to lose weight.

That being said...

I am terrified.

Of being a full time mom and all that business.

I am also terrified of being back where I was weight wise before I had my lapband. It seems like with just the smidgen of an unfil that I had, I am able to eat way too much and I put on about 10 pounds in what felt like overnight.

It is easy to perdict this will be a learning curve.

I got some of the fluid put back in and I seem to be maintaining at this point ** Thank heaven.**

Seriously though, my weight is flirting with starting with a 2 again. Making me terrified of what damage I can do in the next 30 weeks.

Number one, I am used to being active. Moving, even if it isn't formal exercise. I knew before the test would pick up that I was pregnant because my energy had just left me. When I get done working, I want to go home and sit. That is all.

That eased up a bit around week 6 and if today is the new norm, I will be feeling good enough to get back to some of my regular activities.

Oh no, I am going to be one of those ladies who blog all about her pregnancy symptoms. :)
Get some greek yogurt and pull up a chair. This is going to be a great time! hahaha