So guess what I found today?

Some energy.

I may actually do the laundry.

For real though, my husband has basically been doing all of the laundry and a bunch of other duties. He is a good fella.

Weighed in at 197, um yeah, I weighed 177 at my wedding in November… let’s not talk about it.

I have maintained for 3 weeks though, so

Good news, I finally care. Yep. Sometimes my give- a -damn is the hardest thing to find.

4 days ago, I quit the crack juice (aka Dr. Pepper.) It is so hard for me to kick and I truly can’t have even one or I have to go through the withdrawal process again.

No fun… so my plan, if I want to have something bubbly is to have a Sprite or drink lemonade. Something that doesn’t have caffeine and won’t make me crave it every day.

When I quit drinking it my head aches and my body feels like it is just getting over the flu.

So, I’m pretty proud of myself.

That with a combination of a little bit of a fill will put me in a good spot.

I’ll make an appointment soon.

The birthday party with all the "parents" worked great. I shouldn't stress. It isn't like we have to talk about religion or sex... you know, the things I talk about with my friends.

Truthfully, I was most worried about dinner because I didn't know what we would talk about there. I wasn't worried about the museum because the kids would be playing and we would be keeping track of them.

So guess what? I asked the Universe to please somehow cancel dinner without it being my "idea." Well, for some reason "she" just didn't want to do dinner after the museum. FINE BY ME!

So it was awesome. Greg and I grabbed some food afterwards and then headed home :) Oh happy days.

 

 

TTT

1.       We won’t talk about my weight. We just wont.

2.       I do feel better about myself than I have in a month. So that is something. My pants seem to fit “ok-ish” so that is something too.

3.       Lookie there. Two somethings.

4.       It is spring time here in ranchville. We have baby calves everywhere.

5.       My mom is a good ranching wife- this is a calf that got to cold, so she brought him in her house. And that is my cute baby looking at him and saying “nice cow.” It was adorable.

 

6.       My babies will be here tonight. I’m taking tomorrow off because my mom isn’t available to babysit because she has other commitments. Which I’m secretly glad about because he morning routine of getting two kids somewhere before 7:30 is a little hard on me, mostly because I have only done it 8 times. There is a reason most of the time we only get one baby at a time. J

 

7.       It is baby J’s birthday this weekend. We are having a birthday with my family on Sunday. I am making a fish cake that has a possibility of being epic. Rather it will be a success or failure, well that is the question. I’ll post a picture. One way or the other.

 

8.       Sunday we are having a little party (i.e. trip to the childrens museum and dinner) with The Babies Mom, her husband, Gregy and I and the kiddos.

 

a.       The purpose is to promote the feeling that we are all a family.

                                                               i.      I think the idea is perfect and a great way to set the kids up for success and help them to realize we are all in this together.

1.       I am crazy nervous about the whole ordeal and would really just “rather not.” But I will. Maybe I even want to. I am just afraid.

 

9.       I need a new outfit for #8.  Don’t you think? My theory is anything that gives you butterflies, or makes you nervous, or really changes your “feeling pattern” from the norm means a girl NEEDS a new outfit. Shoes included.

10.   Getting a lil fill in the ol’ lapband on Tuesday. Can’t come soon enough.

The post about me being stupid

So guess what?

I got 1CC removed from my band.

I was trying to be proactive because of a few things in my life, my band kept getting tight and I wasn't sure it was going to get better in the near future.

Well, that was two weeks ago.

And like 8 pounds.

And I realized tonight I was eating too much. Waiting for the satisfied feeling the band gives me. Which it still did, just on a much larger amount.

Dang it, I am so dense.

I'm gonnna try and do some damage control until my appoointment, 2 weeks from now.


At least I know what I need to do now, and will focus more on portions.

Oh ladies

I wish that I could write something about something.

You know.

Like how I ran my fastest half marathon. Or fastest 5k.

Or how I PR'd my back squat.

Or hit a new low.

Instead I'm just over here with my pants getting tighter and I'm more tired than I have ever been.

Think that is from the weight gain?

Oy.

I gotta pull it together, but I'm not. I'm just talking about it. Thinking about it.

I have been clicking on the ticker every week and putting it in there. Being honest. That is it.

I'm not giving up.

Ok- it feels like I am giving up.

 Keep blogging ladies. Keep inspiring. I'm right behind you.

The weather

The weather here is like Spring.
Spring in February. It just doesn't happen in frozen over Utah.

Yes I am talking about the weather... I 'm trying to distract you from the fact that I haven't posted anything weight related in a good month.

Why? Well, as always, the reason isn't because I hit goal weight and no longer obsess about food or exercise. I just do it.

Nope.

Not it.

I'm struggling at 187.

Struggling to find balance.

Find reason.

Find something that works for me...

Shit balls, struggling to get back to even the 170's and the 160's is a pipe dream.

I feel like a failure because I bailed on yet ANOTHER 1/2 marathon.

And I just can't seem to get in my groove with crossfit.

Somebody, please, please, please kick me in the butt. I am struggling.

I. Am. Struggling, but i'm not quitting.

Momma said there'd

Be days like this...

So Sunday. Oh Sunday. It was one of those days.

It started with Greg getting up with the babies so I could sleep in. He is a nice boy.
Then he got called to work.
And the babies and I did our thing.

Then something crazy happened.

The kids went wild and all the ABA training in the World couldn't have saved me.

Kids throwing a tantrum at school? For hours? Not a problem. I've got nerves of steel and can ignore just about anything while keeping them safe.

Two babies who have my heart, fight over a stool because one insists they need it so they can poop? That ends in them having a wrestling match? Well it is just down hill from there.

So we eat lunch (well I fix them lunch 50% of the herd refused to eat), 12 rolls around, 12:30... 1:15. (Naps are at 12:30/1:00) so at this point I am putting on a dog and pony show complete with balloon animals to keep them from falling asleep before their Papa gets home with the truck and trailer we borrowed so we could take the kids home and empty the storage unit he has had forever.

He rolls up about 1:40 and the kids aren't sleeping, but it isn't pretty (actually I think I text him "I've changed my mind about more kids." It wasn't a joke at the time.)

We get headed down the road and I am a ball of grouch. Greg just rolls with the tide.

Kids sleep for 10 minutes (ok maybe 60, but I NEEDED longer.)

We take the kids to their new house and see their new bedrooms (too cute.) Then I run out of there like my tail is on fire.

I know from my experience at school kids can SMELL fear. And believe me, I was afraid.

So we buzz over to the storage unit.

Get out.

Greg tries every key on his key ring.

Double checks the locker unit number.

Tries them again.

DOESN'T work. Nope. Notta.

I get back in the truck.

Silent (because that is helpful.)

We just sit there together for at least five minutes before he breaks the silence.

Quick trip to Home Depot and we are back in buisness.

So yes we borrowed a truck, trailer, delayed kids naps while Greg got done working and rounded it up (endangering my mental health) and then drove 3 hours with no keys.

My only regret? That I thought I was mad? That is funny as heck... I shoulda laughed then, not a few hours later.

TTT

1. The scale is a bitch.

2. Work has been really hard on me the last two weeks. I need to find my happy place again. I really do love my job... so I don't know what it is? I think I hate conflict and managing people?

3. I say "bitches be like" way too often.

4. I freaking hate burpees. I will never do an extra one, ever.

5. I think my birth control is making me crazy on the inside. I have never been like this before and I find myself in tears all too often.

6. Does number 5 mean I shoul just have a  baby or go back to the doctor? ;)

7. Number 6 is a joke. Mostly.

8. We are 3/4 of the way finshed with the basement. We are about to go from a 2 bedroom house to a 4 bedroom! Makes me so happy.

9. I am going to crossfit 4 days a week for a month even if it kills me. Which it won't, but I will wish it did.

10. The scale is a bitch.