Now if you are person that believes in such things as TMI, you probably shouldn't read. I don't have the filter that tells me someone is sharing too much, or that I am.
So, I'm very distracted by what is happening to my boobs, "the ladies." at 60 pounds I couldn't tell a difference really, maybe a little smaller. At 80 pounds I can hardly keep my bra where it is suppose to be.Saggy baggy. I recognize that I need to buy a new bra, but those last 20 pounds must have came directly from "the ladies."
I am happy with the weight loss and if saggy ladies is the result, well I guess i'll just have to spend some money at VS.
December 23 (after a too big unfill and therefore a little bit off week of eating)
Also, i've noticed that i like my schedule. I do well when I get up, go to school, drink tons of water, and eat a pre planned meal. So, with winter break only 2 days in, i'm going to have to work on being able to eat when I'm not in my comfort zone.
I'm at the doctors office for my first un-fill. I've kinda been worried bout being too tight, but it comes in randomly. This weekend I was throwing up any real food I ate... followed by the dreaded heartburn. Which I never in my life have had. So I called the doctor this morning and they said I could come right in. I'd rather do more work on my own and be able to eat the right foods. The chocolate in the picture I had no problem with. So I emptied it in the faculty lounge... felt good! I hope I'm making the right decision.
The best part about the lap-band... is that it is adjustable! So if I need more or less, I just do it.
I'm the kind of person that people accuse of having commitment issues. They are right. The problem is... If I say I'm going to do something, I do it with 110% dedication. Nothing less will be accepted. And If I commit, I'm pretty much committed for life (or at least the duration.) So when someone asks "wanna watch a movie Friday night?" and it is only Monday, I can't commit. What if I don't feel like watching a movie Friday night? it is no wonder I'm still single, right? :)
Anyway, when I decided to have lap-band I committed. For better or for worse we are together and I pray everyday that I never have to live without my lap-band. We are the best kind of friends.
So as I was analyzing the fact that I have lost 80 pounds, and just can't find a "I'm really happy place" I knew that it was just because of my personality. I've never been a "rest easy/take a break/ chill out kind of girl." I only settle for less that loosing 132 pounds:)
That being said... I think I need to remind myself of all the things I've gained, by loosing 80 pounds. I'VE LOST 80 POUNDS! OH-MY-LANTA!
So here is my attempt at a list of 80 things I've gained.
1. A knowledge that water is good.
2. Life will go on, even when I eat a nacho's and ice cream for dinner.
3. The scale doesn't lie, and that little lady will tell on me every time. ^^ See above dinner post.
4. Eating doesn't make me feel better, but a run sure as heck does.
5. Running shoes are for running, not for a sporty look.
6. Miralax is life changing.
7. People treat "skinnier" people better. Or maybe, I just feel better about myself (but I don't think so.)
8. It takes a lot of weight for me to notice a difference.
9. Food is not a friend.
10. The skinny girls (a lot of them) that I always thought were just naturally skinny, are at the gym, EXERCISING, watching what they eat.... WEIRD!
11. If the problem isn't weight related, it won't be fixed by losing weight.
12. Pizza and eggs are not good under any circumstances. I should never talk myself into them.
13. I should always drink water in the morning BEFORE I EAT ANYTHING... even with the taste of toothpaste in my mouth. Then I need to drink it for the rest of the day... get those ounces in.
14. People have suddenly become worried about how much they are eating around me. (Making excuses as to why they will finish their plate.) I'm not worried about their waistline, just mine.
15. For me, buying new clothes just isn't that fun because I hope they won't fit in a month. My wardrobe is probably as minimal as it has EVER been! (I wonder why it didn't bother me when I had to buy bigger clothes all of the time? Maybe I wasn't admitting to myself that I would have to replace them in 6 months or so.)
16. The occurrence of headaches are dramatically reduced... Sugar headache, anyone?
17. I don't miss Pepsi.
18. I also gave up lemonade about 3 months after banding, I don't miss it either.
19. My treat at night is my two gummy vitamins and my mint calcium:) It is better than eating a candy bar, I mean seriously, I enjoy it more.
20. I save tons of money on eating out. Sorry to whoever had stock in McDonalds. I'm sure it dropped!
21. Occasionally I dream about bread, but my life is better off without it.
22. I can live off of as many calories as I was eating at one meal, for an entire day.... and not be hungry. (Thank you lap-band.)
23.A knowledge that people that don't really know me are more likely to comment on my weight loss than anyone else. EXCEPT my really good friends that are just excited for me.
24. People will always say, "I couldn't do it. The lap-band just isn't for me." I've learned to just agree with them. If you don't have the will, it won't fix it for you. There is no magic pill.
25. It has been hard to give away my clothes. This surprised me.
26. I like loose jeans. I have a pair of Silvers (FAVORITE) size 22. I still wear them, with a belt. I can currently wear a size 14:) Hey, don't judge.
27. I sometimes go into stores just to see if I can wear the next size down. I don't usually buy anything but it is fun as hell to get into the next size.
28. I don't binge like I used to. Even when I eat things I shouldn't it is in moderation, and I am at least aware of the calories that I am putting in my mouth. And I usually don't eat in secret.
29. I've turned into the calorie, protein guru. (k-maybe not guru, but I'm pretty good.) I just like to know if what I’m eating is worth the calories.
30. I don't eat things that don't taste good.
31. I've learned there are some desserts I just don't like... so I don't eat them. Where before I would just eat it anyway. I ate German Pancakes for years when my Best Friend would make them, until one day, I thought, I don't like these, why eat them?
32. Breakfast is the hardest meal to eat. Most breakfast foods and I don't get along.
33. I don't like it when people are like "Can't eat the meat?" Or "Can't you eat potatoes?" I don't want to talk about it. I don't want you to feel bad for me... I got this way by "Exceeding the feed limit." I have to cut back, and I'm happy to do it (Most of the time.)
34. Skinny people get colder. I live in a blasted icebox (Winters are terrible.) But I've never been as cold as I am this winter.
35. NSV's are the best. I can't wait until next summer to RIDE RIDE RIDE!
36. I have become very comfortable with sharing my weight and my pants size. I wonder why I never share my shirt size? Maybe because it hasn't changed as much? That isn't true though... I was wearing a 2x and now I can wear an XL (depending on the brand.) But that doesn't seem like near as much as a 24 pants to a 14.
37. All those places I thought "weren't fat" (like I was in serious denial, thinking that I was mostly fat around my belly and nowhere else) are getting skinny. One of the first places I lost weight was in my feet.
38. People will ask you "what are you doing to lose weight?" The only part of the explanation they will hear is "lap-band." I have to be ok with this.
39. The cost was worth it.
40. I have learned I can run, I can bike, I can do anything.
41. I will skip out on other fun things to get my workout in. I'm dedicated.
42. I'm afraid I'll never feel skinny.
43. It pisses me off when guys ask me out. ESPECIALLY when they new me 80 pounds ago and never looked at me twice. JERKS!
44. Some people will get the band and say "It just didn't work for me." Sending them hate messages with your eyes will not fix them. They just don't get it, or aren't ready to change.
45. It is always easier to be proud of someone else.
46. For me, I always feel the fattest at the gym. I'm working on this.
47. That comparing yourself to others isn't a healthy way to judge your weight loss... but occasionally it will kick you in the ass and get you going again.
48. I can run for 50 minutes.
49. That I get really pissed when people say "I can't run." Well PEOPLE I was 277 pounds, 5'4" tall when I started this business and could only run for approximately 45 seconds and then would think I was going to die. Just stop making excuses... tell it like it is "I don't wanna run." That I can support. I won't even judge you for it.
50. I can recognize all the excuses in others when they start talking to me, because they used to be mine. What it boils down to is "I got really heavy, and I have a lot of weight to loose, and I don't think I can do it." I know how you feel. I've been you. I hope for your sake, you find something that works for you.
51. Liquids for a day or two won't kill me. Even when you think they will.
52. I can get full on an appetizer.
53. Eating out with me is cheap. (Who wouldn't want to date this? I swear you will never have to buy me a steak or lobster.)
54. I dream of shopping in the regular sized stores. Ahhhhhh... so close.
55. My body doesn't ache in the mornings like it used to.
56. People ask me for advice. Weird.
57. People ask "are you full?" Why is that appropriate now, but wasn't when I was over eating?
58. I pack a gym bag... yep, I plan to work out.
59. Everyday tasks are easier.
60. There is way more room in the car.
61. Flights of stairs are not a problem; in fact I may seek them out. (But not always, lets not get to carried away.)
62. Eating out is no longer the funnest thing about vacation.
63. Some people don't recognize me. Which is dumb, I don't really look that different.
64. Last night I realized that I won't have to worry about finding a wedding dress "my size" if that ever happens. I'll just be able to shop, shop, and shop. Watch out Dad.
65. A little healthy competition is, well, healthy.
66. It is harder to get all the protein I'm supposed to, than I thought it would be.
67. Blogging has kept me on track, and re-motivated me more times than I can say.
68. I've dropped 14 points on my BMI! Yahoo meeee!
69. I'm terrified that one day I may lose my band.
70. It is a little weird to go from never denying myself food. To just overlooking it on purpose. I've never worked so hard, or been so dedicated to getting healthy (and hell, I'll say it, SKINNy).
71. I have more patience. Because I'm not always exhausted.
72. If I need a caffeine fix, I get 5 hour energy. Low calories, and energy! Yeah!
73. If I eat right, running is easier. I'm still learning what "eating right to run" means. Suggestions welcome.
74. I have collar bones! I always look at my face and chest (above the boobs) and feel much thinner than I ever did before.
75. I like to track my food.
76. I should probably not talk so much about weight loss.
77. Writing a list of 80 is harder then I thought it would be.
78. I've decided when I hit 100 pounds I'm going public. Coming out of the closet so-to-speak. I've told tons of people about my surgery. It was never intended as a secret, but I'm going to share the blog and everything. Awkward? Potentially.
79. What if, I get to goal weight, and still think I have more to lose? I know there has got to be people out there that just got crazy caught up in it and LOST too much weight.
80. I pray that I have good genetics and youth on my side so the loose skin isn't too gross.
It has been one of those weeks. My kids at school have been hyper, hyper, hyper! We are definitely excited about Christmas break.
When I get stressed, my band gets tighter. Well I have been crazy stressed this week.... and therefore the band is practically zipped shut. I get the most frustrated when I can't eat anything that is good for me. Last night I tried to eat a food I know is a go for me, and crazy stuck! After like an hour of sliming, it just came up. Well this morning my pouch was really irritated and so I didn't try breakfast. Even water was hurting. So for lunch I just drank a cup of hot coco. Tonight I tried a chicken salad (which is another go-to food for me.) NOT GOOD! No sliming or tossing, but I only ate a bite or two.
Anyway, I regress. Last night I decided just to eat a cup of frozen yogurt for dinner. Everything was to irritated to try anything else, and I KNEW it would go!
So I ate yogurt, and was so mad at myself! Then someone said to me; "Stop stressing. Just relax and give your body time to catch up. You are loosing weight too fast anyway." This was like a salve to my wounded pride. I thought to myself "I'm expecting too much for myself. I should just take a break.
I weigh 199! Who could expect more? I could weigh this the rest of my life and not feel bad about it. its the holidays.... " I almost let myself talk myself into it. But then I remembered, I want to be more, I expect more of myself. I refuse to be a statistic. I will loose the next 50 pounds! I'm not giving up! Even when someone gives me permission too!
Who in their right mind would think it would be a good idea to have treats for the entire month of December at work? It is a serious thing too... THERE IS A SIGN UP SHEET! Seriously? Anyway, treats are served in the faculty room, right by the water cooler. Besides getting water I never go in there... but man was I tempted today.
Come on December... hurry up!