Friday, February 25, 2011

Went for a little walk/jog last night, after I left school at 8:40, ran to my parents to get the Z-dog, then a quick change and out the door. It was much easier this time, I’m not sure why? And the mile was faster? I wonder why? I didn’t feel as though I was in deaths grip though, maybe just like I was at deaths door.
Still no Soda! So here’s too me!

Thursday, February 24, 2011


I didn’t even attempt to search out the feeling of death again last night; the feeling had stayed with me all day, and long into the night. I think the combination of stopping Pepsi cold turkey (I’ve been a serious addict for a long time) and exercising for the first time in forever… my body rebelled. Though I consider it lame that I didn’t make it two days in a row with the exercise, I consider it AWESOME that I’ve now made it two days without Pepsi… go me! I’m going to try and hit the pavement again tonight, hopefully not literally.
** Without the Pepsi I have felt lethargic and run down. I actually contemplated taking a nap while the students were at recess; the feeling didn’t pass, but I didn’t give into the urge either.
I also think that Z-dog was a little disappointed that we didn’t go last night. She kept giving me the “look” and was up twice during the night… boredom?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

To busy to help myself

Day two: Still hit the drive-through for breakfast, but no soda… that counts for something in my book! And I packed a lunch! Here we go! After school I only have one meeting, at 7, so I’m hoping I can go exercise after that. There is something comforting to me about doing it in the dark! I forgot, I signed up to help with the blood drive after school… so I’m going to take my dog to my parents, go to the blood drive, and still make my other meeting at 7. I told you that I’m always signing up for stuff, I just can’t help it, I love to help people, but I will be helping myself from now on also!
Good news: I have partaken of 66 oz of water so far today, no Pepsi! You go girl, you go.
8:30 tonight I’m going out searching for that feeling of death.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

That feeling of death

Day one: I got to school at 7:00, kids arrive at 8:30 and it is full force until 3:30. I leave school at 4:00 go home, get the Z dog and take her to my parents’ house (my sister watches her on Tuesdays and Thursdays, sometimes Wednesday) 5:00 back to school… I leave school at 8:30, rush to my parent’s home and pick up the Z dog. Then home, to put on the most ridiculous “exercise outfit” you’ve ever seen. Yellow long sleeved, under purple stripes, long black pants under shorter black pants. One lime green sock, on white, and yellow running shoes that are like new! Leash up the dog, put the motivator in my bra and hit the street (9:02)! I’ve never been so thankful for my Doberman, she was so unused to exercising with me, and she practically pulled me around the block. Jog one minute; walk one minute; back to my house at 9:30. Text my sister-in-law (can’t breathe well enough to call her); I said “one mile walk-sorta jog and I think I’m going to die. She said “that feeling of death is what we are going for.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Here is virtual high-five to SIL (sister-in-law).


So, I’ve made the decisions to no longer set on the sidelines of life… I’m going to take this bitch on head first. I don’t know what I’m doing, or how long it will take me, but I do know what my goal is; not be in the obesity category any longer. Just a BMI under 29… which may be easier said than done, since it is currently at a 45.4. I know how I got here, too many Pepsi’s and too much time sitting in a fast food drive -through, too little moving. It has taken me 23 years to get here! I wonder how long it will take me to reverse the damage I’ve done.
I’ve always been the best friend with a joke and a comforting smile, listening ear. I’ll take on any project (as long as it doesn’t take too much physical activity), including projects I don’t have time for… result? A 23 year old teacher that ROCKS at her job, takes on the extras, no kid is un-important, I will die before someone leaves my classroom without learning, I will be the youth leader, volunteer for free tutoring, or get on with your non-profit project. But I actively refuse to spend 30 minutes a day on myself! HELL no I will not get on the treadmill; I don’t have 30 dollars for a gym membership. I’m too busy spending that money on my next greasy fix. I’m here to change. I realized I had a serious problem just a few weeks ago, yep, seriously… I’ve weighed over 200 hundred pounds for as long as I can remember, but it was just a few weeks ago that I really felt like I was the fat girl... here are a few things that tipped me off.
****WARNING may contain graphic content.
1.After the recent 10 pound gain, I’ve realized that I have a harder time wiping my butt; seriously, this is something I refuse to lose the ability to do.
2.I was not attending any of my singles ward activities for fear that they would do something active and I would end up passing out and dying, just from embarrassment, because heaven knows I never would have attempted to chase a basket ball across the court.
3.There is this guy, he is super wonderful (from a distance, I haven’t dared get close). I was telling my sister –in-law (who happens to be uber wonderful and supportive, and I think she may even think I’m awesome, though we don’t talk about our feelings, YUCK! She is also an English Major, so I hope she keeps her grammatical fussing to herself) about this fine specimen of a gentleman. I was telling her that he is in his late 20’s that he has a good job (degree included) had recently (at least I think) purchased a house... basically all the things that has a girl thinking about nesting. I think I may have been drooling when I said these things. She said “did you talk to him, maybe ask him out.” I exuberantly exclaimed “ME? No way, I would never have the guts, that guy is successful!” Well being the pushy broad that she is, she asked me, don’t you have a Bachelors of Science degree? I said yeah, but just is special education, what does that mean?” She then said; “didn’t you recently purchase a house? “ I said yeah, but just a modest home.” Then she had the nerve to laugh at me, seriously, she giggled like a boy that had just tripped his sister. What was her conclusion? That I was holding myself back, that I was making excuses! This caused me to evaluate, what the real problem was, did I REALLY think his degree was cooler than mine? Hell no! I get to spend every day with AWESOME students! Did I care if his house was bigger than mine? NO, do you know what teachers make? It was a heck of an accomplishment just to be able to afford a modest home… seriously! So my issue is, when it comes down to the nitty gritty of things, is, I know that I’m too fat. Now I’m not saying this guy is one of those guys, the truth is, I’m physically attracted to those that are physically fit. So how can I expect them to be physically attracted to me? When I don’t even like myself in the mirror… and seriously, TRUST ME the naked me is worse.
4.I’m having a harder time staying balanced on the horses that I love to ride, and one of these days, not too far from now one of those colt is going to spin faster than me and my butt is going to end up implanted in the ground. Worst case scenario? Someone has to call 911, they have to cut my clothes off… well you get the picture.
5.Last but not least, I hurt when I get up in the morning.. I’m 23 and I think that is bull shit.
End of story. Or beginning depending on how you look at it.
So here is to the first day; weighing in at 277 pounds.
My war weapons:
A.A leash for my badly neglected dog. Lets us walk… dare I say, maybe one day run?
B.A MotivAder! I use it to change behavior in the classroom, let us see if Miss Lorie can kick herself into shape.
C.A commitment to only drink water.
D.And a commitment to pack a lunch, everyday, SCHOOL lunch is killing our American children. (I’m proof; the last 15 pounds came from eating school lunch).